The night was warm, summer was approaching, and Spike felt it was going to be a long, warm summer…for those who were going to survive to the impending battle with Glory. It was close, Spike thought as his eyes fixed on the fire they had lit up.

 

How had he gone from being one of the enemies to being one of the members of the Scooby Gang? How had he changed from being a Master Vampire, hated and feared by those young people to be the person who had  furnished the RV needed to escape from Sunnydale and was now guarding them for the night?

 

He didn’t know. It had happened, period. It had happened when he had fallen in love with Buffy, when he had found out he cared about Dawn, about Willow…

 

You’re lost Spike, not even I can help you, now…

 

Spike snorted, shaking his head, while Drusilla’s words came up in his mind.

 

He was lost…his actions for the past weeks had been strange to say the least. His need to protect those people, his willingness to risk everything he was…everything he had been for the past century, for the same people who had ignored him at the best of times had sealed his condemnation.

 

He knew even if they all survived to the impending battle with Glory he wasn’t going to be able to turn back to his old ways…not in Sunnydale, where all demons knew, felt the truth.

 

“Bugger it…” he mumbled shaking his head.

 

He looked around, alerting his senses to any possible intruder, but he felt none. They were alone, each of those people lost in a world of grief and sorrow. Each of them resolved in not letting that bitch win, now more than ever.

 

He shook his head, but tensed when he heard steps behind his back, and a wave of sorrow, of rage that hit him straight in the gut.

 

He knew who it was. She had seemed so frail the first time he had seen her, what it looked like a lifetime ago now to him. She had looked frail, but he had discovered she wasn’t.

 

She was strong, a little spitfire, full of an almost inexhaustible optimism …

 

Before…

 

Before she had lost everything.

 

He knew she would come to him, eventually. It was the logical thing to do, he was just surprised it had taken her so long  to do that.

 

“How could you stand it?” she asked.

 

Spike jerked his head up and turned to meet Willow’s petite figure.

 

****

She was tried.

 

Willow didn’t remember ever being so tired, so worn out. It looked like her heart, her very soul wanted to crawl out from her body, the only thing she wanted to, was to hide in darkest corner on Earth and weep…but she didn’t do that.

 

She couldn’t do that.

 

She had to wait. Tears, sorrow, heartache would probably engulf her whole, leaving then just a shell of what she had been, but only after Glory paid for what she had done to Tara.

 

To her beautiful, strong, brave Tara.

 

To her lover.

 

Yet she felt tired, so damn tired. She took a step forward, her eyes fixed on the flames, on the little sparkles that came out from it, her sight was blurred because of the tears that filled her eyes, tears she didn’t want to shed, tears she was afraid to shed. She felt that if she started crying she wouldn’t have been able to stop.

 

“What?” Spike’s deep voice broke her thoughts. She lowered her head, meeting the vampire’s face. It was still bruised both from Glory’s torture and the recent fights. Yet never had he looked more human to her as in that moment.

 

She slowly took another step forward and sat next to him, on the ground. She had been tempted to talk to him for days now. If there was someone who could understand what she was going through that person was Spike.

 

He had loved Drusilla, demented and crazy as she was…once Joyce

 

 Don’t go there…don’t think about her…or you will crumble…and no one will be able to find you, ever again

 

had told her about her chat with Spike…she had told her Spike had loved Drusilla even because of that madness….he had told her he missed her madness.

 

“She is calm”  she said in a low voice, she swallowed and looking at her hands said, “most of the times. She stares into space…an…and tilts her head  as if…”

 

“She saw something” Spike finished for her in a low voice.

 

Willow sighed and nodded, blinking back tears for the umpteenth time since that day, she sniffed and said, “but no one is there…she isn’t there…I…don’t know what to do…”  she paused, uncertain on what to say, then shrugging asked, “How could you stand it?”

 

Spike didn’t answer her for some long seconds, he just watched the flames, while the look in his expressive eyes was lost in thought, in memories that Willow felt were bittersweet, yet precious to him, then Spike shrugged, he threw the cigarette he had been smoking in the fire and simply said, “I loved her”

 

You’re far more braver than I've ever given you credit for, Spike…

 

Willow thought, hugging her knees with her arms. She lowered her head and whispered, “I want to scream…I…want to hug her…I want to…” she took a deep breath and said, “I just want to…”

 

“Keep her safe?” he asked. Willow didn’t raise her head when she nodded.

 

“I know the feeling, pet” Spike murmured.

 

Of course he knew the feeling, Willow thought, hadn’t he come to Sunnydale to cure Drusilla? Hadn’t he risked everything for her? She had been in the church during the ritual…and while she had come out of it, she had seen Spike coming back in the church to take Drusilla away, risking his unlife to save hers, to keep her safe. She gently rubbed her eyes with her palms and said “It’s killing me seeing her that way…” her voice broke when she admitted the truth she had kept to herself for days, “and it’s my fault…”

 

She didn’t see Spike raising his head surprised at her words, and missed the glance he shot at her, “Why?” he asked, “Did you brainsuck her?”

 

Willow raised her head, Spike was looking at her and there weren’t traces of his usual cockiness in his eyes.

 

“I…left her…we had an argument and…” she started.

 

Spike though, shook his head and interrupted her saying, “Piffles! Don’t feel guilty, pet. Lovers fight, lovers say horrible things to each other…then get back together…you couldn’t know.”

 

“But…” she protested.

 

Spike shook his head, “Do you want to blame someone, Willow? Would it help you feeling better? Would it help her? Blame Glory, then. *She* drove her crazy!”

 

Willow  shook her head. She already blamed Glory…as she had silently blamed everyone for what had happened, and although Spike was right she couldn’t help feeling guilty. “I don’t know how to help her” she eventually said, “How will I help her?”

 

Spike shrugged his shoulders, he ran a hand through his hair and said, “Be with her.” he paused,  brushing with a finger his denim claded thigh then said, “it will be hard. There will be bad days…and they will be bad, Willow…and there will be good days” he stopped, clenching his jaws and Willow couldn’t help realizing that was the first time Spike had ever opened up about Drusilla since he had been chipped.

 

If there was someone who really knew how much Spike had loved Drusilla it was her. She had seen first hand how heartbroken Spike had been when Drusilla had left him. His grief had been authentic just like the tears he had shed, while resting his head on her shoulders.

 

She had been surprised back then, realizing a demon could indeed suffer for love, and that could cry and feel heartbroken, the more she knew Spike, however, the less surprised she was. She hugged her arms while Spike slowly continued, “She will be almost normal in those days” he turned and looked at her, “The good days will be the worst for you, pet, they will make you bend on your knees and crack your shoulders…but you will be with her…and not because she needs you, but because you will need her, you will love her more than ever…”

 

Willow swallowed, hard, while her eyes stung with unshed tears, “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do that” she said and her broken voice was but a whisper.

 

“Says who?” Spike asked, his eyebrows were arched, as if her words had surprised him,  “You have no idea  how strong you can get for those you love, pet…”

 

Willow lowered her head, and she couldn’t help the little smile which crept on her lips, she shook her head surprised. Had Spike really comforted her? Had she really come to him seeking for advice?

 

“You know?” she said, “I should be wigging and freaking out right now”

 

“Why?” he asked, he looked genuinely puzzled by her words, he then rolled his eyes and said, “Oh, yeah…I’m bad..”

 

Willow frowned, “You’ve just talked like…”

 

“A bloody poof?” Spike asked, smirking, and Willow felt it was a self depreciating smirk. She nibbled her lower lip. She didn’t even realize that her hand had sought Spike’s until their fingers were intertwined, she had acted out on instinct.

 

Spike’s skin was cold, and in that moment it was the only remainder he was a vampire, the same vampire who had kidnapped her once and a year and half before had tried to bite her, in her dorm room.

 

No, not the same vampire…

 

She silently chided herself, she tilted her head on a side, and met his eyes before whispering, “A friend”

 

Spike cocked an eyebrow at her, the cockiness in his eyes returned to full force, yet he lightly squeezed her hand  before letting it go, he snorted and said, “Go get some sleep, Will, you need to be strong”

 

Willow nodded her head before getting up from the ground. Spike didn’t even look at her while she slowly headed toward the RV, his back was turned at her, and he was intently watching the flames, his features emphasized by the amber glowing of those flames, he looked like he was lost in thought, lost in his memories.

 

Memories, she was sure, that had dark hair, blue eyes and the face of a mad vampiress he had loved for so long.

 

She hugged her arms and slowly slipped into the shadows, Spike’s words, still ringing in her ears, while her whole body ached to be close to Tara, to shield her from pain and sorrow.

 

****

 

A friend.

 

A year and half before he would have snarled at those softly spoken words.

 

Friend. With a human.

 

Spike closed his eyes, ignoring that strange feeling within himself. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was, and he didn’t want to know. He just knew he felt…better.

 

“How long will it last, Spike?”  Giles’ calm voice almost made him start.

 

The watcher was damn good at hiding in the shadows. He hadn’t started though. he didn’t even move as Giles slowly got close to him. only when the man sat next to him did Spike turn toward him.

 

“What…the blonde madness? How am I supposed to know?” he absently asked, throwing a piece of wood into the fire.

 

“Your change…” Giles said.

 

Spike shot a surprised look at him. What the hell was he talking about? Yet he smirked at him, saying, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

 

Giles crossed his arms over his chest, and once again Spike was surprised by how fiercely protective the man was of those young people, even now, while still injured. “Actually I would”  the man coldly said, “If you want to help….”

 

“I will” Spike said interrupting him, “I don’t want Buffy and Dawn to suffer” he lowered his head and said, “and besides I have my own score to settle with miss Merry Sunshine”

 

From the corner of his eyes, Spike saw Giles nodding at him, the man took a deep breath before saying, “Hard days are ahead of us, Spike”

 

Spike cocked an eyebrow at him. if his suspicions were right, hard, didn’t even begin to cover it. “Don’t I know that…” he mumbled.

 

Giles’ words surprised him, “What are you ready to do?” the man asked.

 

Spike looked at him, to hear out loud what he had been wondering since that absurd story had begun, had the effect of a punch on the stomach on him.

 

What was he ready to do to defend Buffy and Dawn? What was he ready to do not to let that bitch win?

 

The realization was so simple, so clear that in a moment erased all his doubts, all his regrets, it was the simplest truth he had ever known.

 

Spike shrugged, looking into the man’s eyes, his eyes bore into his, and never had he hoped more to be believed while he said, “Whatever it takes, Giles” he paused then slowly added, “whatever it takes…”

 

The End