Music Box

                                   -1-

             

"Where the hell are they?" Buffy Summers asked, storming into Giles' apartment, the man followed her inside, then closed the door.

 

They'd been out patrolling together. It had been ages since the last time. They'd had fun together.

 

Buffy didn't want to think that for over a year she'd denied herself to be with him, to be close to him. They'd hurt each other so much, yet now things were gradually returning to normal...as normal as her life could be.

 

"I suppose they didn't leave you a note, did they?" Giles asked

 

"No...I can't believe they went out without me...but they brought Spike with them!" she said sitting on his couch.

 

Giles took a deep breath and said, "I am sure they didn't mean to leave you out..." he headed toward the kitchen and asked, "Would you like some tea?"

 

"Yeah...that would be nice, thanks..." she replied without looking at him.

 

Giles smiled at his slayer. She looked stunning that night

 

< Who are you trying to fool, Rupert? She *always* looks stunning... even covered in slime >

 

Giles shook his head, while he put the kettle on. He could hear from the kitchen that Buffy was humming a song. He smiled recognizing it, she was listening to it a lot, lately.

 

When I'm lost, you shine a light for me

And set me free. When I'm low, you wash

Away my tears and take me through the

loneliness, and emptiness, through the

darkest night, somehow I'll survive.

 

At times he was surprised at how she could still enjoy herself...she was humming, after having dusted three vampires and killed a minor demon, and from her voice he could detect that she almost seemed happy. He slightly tensed when she hummed the following verse of the song...was it his imagination, or her voice had been louder?

 

Through it all, when you tell me I'm the

only one you need, sweet and tenderly,

and your love breaks away the clouds

surrounding me All I have I wanna give to thee

 

He shook his head, pouring the hot liquid into two cups, he returned in the living room. Buffy was still sitting on the couch, her head arched, her eyes closed while she kept humming the song. He noticed though, that she was frowning, it almost looked like she was really listening to the song's words for the first time

 

If I should fall, your love is strong enough,

to lift me up. If I'm afraid, oh babe, you chase

away my tears, and take me to, a brighter place,

beyond the rain, and I feel alright, 'cause, you're

By my side. Through it all, when you tell me I'm the

the only one you need, sweet and tenderly, and your

love breaks away the clouds surrounding me

All I have I wanna give to thee.

 

Giles didn't know what to do, wondering whether she was thinking about Angel or Riley, her broke-up with Riley hadn't surprised him and he was glad she had reacted well to it, but, he was afraid, that perhaps, she was still suffering.

 

Giles would have been utterly surprised whether he'd known, that neither Angel nor Riley had entered Buffy's mind while she had been singing. He would have been shocked, whether he had known that Buffy had been actually thinking of him, while singing.

 

Buffy didn't know how it had started...or when, but she'd fallen in love with him. She smiled at herself, thinking that she couldn't be honest even to herself. She knew exactly how and when she'd realized she'd fallen in love with him. Oddly it had been his betrayal which had made her realize her feelings for him. Realizing her feelings and act on them, though, was another matter altogether.

 

She had raised a wall between, she'd tried her best to distance him from her and she'd almost succeeded.

 

She didn't want to risk losing him too, she had known that in her heart. Losing him was out of the question...so she had thought that if that time, she walked away, pain would have been less excruciating.

 

She had been wrong. She had used and been used in the year, she'd tried to forget him, to move on, and in the end, she'd just managed to hurt them both and to love him more than she'd ever imagined could be possible

 

< Way to go, Summers. >

 

She opened her eyes and shook her head, surprised when she found Giles looking at her. He was leaning against a wall, he still had the cups in his hands, he was smiling and Buffy felt her heart was going to melt any minute...he was so beautiful.

 

"W...what?" she eventually managed to ask, cursing herself for her cracked voice.

 

"N...nothing" he said. He approached her and handed her a cup. She took the cup and mouthed a thank you.

Giles sat next to her and sighed, Buffy watched him and asked, "Giles, are you alright?"

 

"Oh, yes...yes I am, thank you." He said smiling. He shrugged and said, "I guess I am just a little tired."

 

"Oh..." she murmured then she asked in a low voice, "Do you want me to leave?"

 

"No!" he exclaimed, the marveling added, "You don't have to, Buffy...but perhaps you want to?"

 

"Oh, no...not at all, I'm glad I'm here!" she said smiling

 

"Fine..." he said smiling back at her. They sat, both sipping their tea, none of them talked for a long while, they were just enjoying each other's company. The silence wasn't awkward, but it wasn't pleasant either. They both wondered what the other was thinking.

 

< Talk to her, Rupert...just ask her something >

 

Giles thought. He opened his mouth to tell something, but he closed it...he didn't want to risk upsetting her.

 

< C'mon Buffy...say something, for God's sake! When did you lose your tongue? >

 

She cleared her throat, Giles turned toward her and raised his eyebrows, silently asking what was the matter. She shrugged, feeling suddenly very afraid.

 

She knew she couldn't be in the same room with that man, without revealing her feelings, or at least part of them, so she said, "Hm...I think...I think I'd better go to the dorm...I want to ask Will where the hell she's been tonight"

 

"Oh, yes...you'd better go, then." He said in a low voice. Buffy could see the hurt in his eyes. She silently swore

 

< Great...you managed to hurt him, again! Now he probably thinks you don't like being here! >

 

Giles got up from the couch and took the two cups, he headed toward the kitchenette without talking. Buffy rolled her eyes and got up, she followed him in the kitchenette and said, "Giles?"

 

"Yes?" he said, without looking at her.

 

"It's not that I don't want to stay here...because I want to..." she paused uncertain how to continue the sentence.

 

Giles looked at her, surprised and said, "But?"

 

"But?" she echoed.

 

"It's not that you don't want to stay here, because you want to, but? I see a but coming in your sentence"

 

"Oh yes...'but'! But it's very late...and I've classes tomorrow and... "

 

"You know Buffy? You don't have to excuse yourself...if you want to leave you just have to say it. I understand, really."

 

< Jeez, has he always been that dense? >

 

She wondered. She shook her head, she got close to him and taking his hands in hers said, "Look Giles, I see another misunderstanding coming between us and I *so* don't want it. So for the record, I *want* to stay here, I *love* staying here...but believe it or not, I'm dead on my feet. I've been up last night because I had a test this morning and with the slaying and all...I'm really scratching the end of my barrel of slayer's stamina ..."

 

Giles smiled at her words, and said, "All right, no misunderstandings then, just a very tired slayer..."

 

"Way to go G-Man " she said smiling

 

"Don't call me that" he quickly said, without even thinking. He chuckled at his own words, and she soon joined him, without thinking she freed her hands from his and she pulled him in a bear hug. Giles started at the beginning, he wasn't used to having his slayer in his arms beyond training, but he soon relaxed and he hugged her back. He caressed her hair and closed his eyes, smiling.

 

He loved her. He didn't even try to deny those feelings anymore, not to himself, at least. The feeling of her body pressed against his, her scent almost brought tears to his eyes.

 

He took a deep breath and stepped lightly back. He had to do it, he knew that if he'd held her a moment longer, he wold have done something utterly stupid like kissing her hair, thus revealing how he really felt about her, and how those feelings were not quite fatherly as Quentin Travers had labeled them.

 

He cleared his throat and asked, "Do you want me to ..?"

 

"Yes, thanks...I'd really appreciate a drive to the dorm" she said interrupting her

 

"How do you know what I was going to ask you?" he asked surprised.

 

"Can you keep a secret, Giles?" she asked in a teasing tone.

 

"Y...yes, of course" he stuttered

 

"Good...so can I..."

 

"Ah, bloody, ah" he said

 

She grinned and left the kitchenette saying, "Ain't you coming, Giles?"

 

"Yes..." he said smiling.

 

They were both outside Giles' house when she asked, "May I drive?"

 

"Don't push your luck, young lady" he said in a menacing tone, yet his eyes were twinkling with joy

 

"Pleeeeeeaseeeeeee?" she asked pouting.

 

He stopped and looked at her, she was still pouting.

He shook his head, "No way, Buffy."

 

"Please Giles? Pretty please?" she asked again.

 

Giles closed his eyes. How could he refuse something to her? Why did he still try to? He sighed and gave in, "All right!"

 

She jumped and without thinking she kissed his cheek, taking the keys from his hand.

When life had gotten so complicated?

 

-2-

 

"May I know, where the heck have all of you been tonight and why did you bring Spike with you?" Buffy asked once entered the room she shared with Willow.

 

The witch was in her bed, already under her blankets, she was reading. She raised her head and without even flinching said, "Good evening, Buffy!"

 

"Good evening, Will...and now would you tell me where have you been?"

 

Willow smiled at her friend, they'd already decided what to tell her, so without missing a beat said, "There was this new club outside Sunnydale, we've thought to go there."

 

"With Spike?" she asked incredulous.

 

"Yep..." she said. She closed her book and looked at her, trying to hide her amusement at the shocked look on her best friend's face.

 

"With Spike?" she repeated.

 

"Yes Buffy, with Spike. It's been Anya's idea."

 

Buffy blinked and asked, "Why with Spike?"

 

"There are other words in our language, you know?" she said.

 

She was still smiling, she placed the book on her nightstand and said, "Mouth looks better closed Buffy...as for Anya's idea" the young witch yawned then sleepily said, "Beat me, I have no idea...Spike looked surprised too..." she closed her eyes and asked, "And what about you? We tried to reach you, but we didn't find you.."

 

"I..." she paused, “I'm going to take a shower..."

 

Willow just nodded. Once Buffy went into the bathroom, the girl muttered turning off the light, "She's been at Giles'"

 

~ So Willow, what do you say, we've got a deal? ~

 

Willow closed her eyes, when she heard Spike's voice in her head. She squeezed them shut ignoring the pounding in her heart, remembering what had happened after the others had left the hotel's room.

 

§

 

Xander had assured her they were going to wait for them in the hallway, but when they'd closed the door, Willow had been scared senseless.

 

 She hadn't been scared of Spike, she knew he couldn't harm her. She had been scared of what had switched between them that night.

 

Spike had looked at her for some seconds, Willow hadn't moved though, she'd held her head high. She'd sensed that Spike didn't want to scare her, he'd just been curious. Finally Spike had gotten close to her and had asked, "What are you doing to me, Willow?"

 

She had heard his other silent question

~ Are you casting a bloody spell on me, Willow? ~

 

"I'm not casting a spell on you!" she had exclaimed.

 

"Then why can you hear my thoughts?" Spike had softly asked.

 

"I...I don't know, Spike." She had said lowering her head.

 

Spike had gently touched her shoulder, forcing her to raise her head, Spike had smiled at her, then had said, "I'm not complaining..."

 

"Aren't you?" she had managed to ask. She had blinked then had asked, "Why aren't you complaining?"

 

He had shook his head, not answering to her question and had got closer to her. His hand on her bare shoulder had been cold, yet it had seemed like fire on her skin...his glare had been like fire, she had been sure in fact, her cheeks were burning.

 

< Naa...it's not fire...it's you blushing because he's looking at you with those blue eyes...by the way Will, BREATHE! >

 

She took a deep breath, Spike frowned and asked, "Why are you afraid of me, Willow? You know I can't hurt you"

 

"W...why...you keep calling me like that?" she had asked looking at him, yet for the first time since they'd known each other, she hadn't been afraid of him.

 

"Like what?" he had softly asked.

 

He had been close, so close to her.

 

"Willow..." she had breathed

 

Spike had smiled and had said, "It's your name, isn't it?"

 

"You've never..." she had started.

 

"Maybe, I want to now ..." he had said, looking at her.

 

Their glares had fixed for an instant, then Spike had taken possession of her mouth.

 

He hadn't parted open her lips, he hadn't needed to force her. Willow had immediately responded to his kiss.

 

If someone had asked her, how a kiss between them could have been, besides the obvious 'eeeeew' she'd have answered that fire would have met ice.

 

She would have been wrong.

 

It had been all fire. Fire which had flowed into her veins like volcano's lava. Her skin had burned under his gentle touch.

 

He hadn't touched her breasts or bottom, he'd just caressed her back and her shoulders, the nape of her neck, then his hands had been on her hair, her neck.

 

She'd touched him as well, caressing his hair, his shoulders, his back.

 

It hadn't mattered that his heart hadn't been beating. Hers had begun beating for the two of them.

 

For a second she'd forgotten he was a vampire, the same vampire who had kidnapped her, threatened her. She'd forgotten Tara, Buffy, Giles, Xander, Anya, Sunnydale.

 

For a second Spike's mouth, skin, taste had been all that had mattered to her. He'd eventually gently pulled away from her and placing his cool lips against her burning forehead had whispered, "Breathe Willow..."

 

She'd closed her eyes and had rested her head against his shoulder, inhaling his scent, taking deep breaths. She'd felt Spike's hand gently caressing her hair while he'd pulled her closer to him with the other hand. She'd closed her eyes and had whispered against the thin fabric of his shirt, "What's just happened?"

 

Spike had squeezed his eyes shut when he'd felt Willow's hot breath through the fabric of his shirt. He didn't know what had happened.

 

He'd always thought the red-headed witch was attractive, he'd always liked her...he'd never even thought about kissing her though. Thinking about her lips and the green fire in her eyes, feeling her warm body pressed against his, he'd wondered why it had taken so long for him to kiss her.

 

Yet he hadn't been able to really explain to her what had switched between them that night, so he had placed a kiss on her forehead and had said, "We've just kissed each other, luv "

 

She had giggled against his chest then, tickling it with her breath, Spike had smiled, soon joining Willow in a full laughter, when they'd both recovered Willow had raised her head and had said, "I don't know what to say..."

 

"I should be the one saying that..." he had commented.

 

"Probably" she had said smiling.

 

"I should feel sorry" he had continued.

 

"Yes, you should." She had softly said, still smiling.

 

"But I'm not.." he had said.

 

"Ain't you?" she had asked surprised, not understanding why that had made her heart beat faster.

 

"Not even a bit, luv. I enjoyed it." he had looked at her for a second, then had asked, "And what about you?"

 

"M...me? W...what about me? I...I have a girlfriend, I'm a lesbian in fact, sorta... and I love her and she's waiting for me in the hallway with my best friend, her ex demon girlfriend and you're a blonde vampire...with a twisted sense of humor and..." She had stopped talking, noticing Spike's raised eyebrows and his amused smile, her own smile had widened when she had quickly said, "wouldyoukissmeagainplease?"

 

"I thought you'd never ask" he said in a husky voice.

 

"Just shut up and kiss me, Spike!" she had breathed, before kissing him as if her life depended on it.

When they had broken the kiss Willow had managed to say, panting, "We'd better go, I wouldn't want you to get intimately acquainted with a stake..."

 

Spike had chuckled but he hadn't let go of her. He had grazed her hair with his fingers and had said, "You’re right, luv..."

 

"Yeah..." she had breathed. Just then Xander had knocked on the door saying, "Will? Are you finished there?"

 

They'd looked at each other for an instant, smiling, then she had cleared her throat and had said raising her voice, "Yeah, Xander, we're finished"

 

They'd reluctantly pulled away from each other then she'd reached the door and had opened it, when she'd heard him in her head, his voice had been so clear, that for a second she had thought Xander had heard him too.

 

~ Don't bet on it. We're long from finished...when all this matter is solved, we're going continue this, luv ~

 

She'd stiffened for a second then she'd followed Xander outside.

 

She hadn't heard him, nor he had spoken, only when she'd gotten out from Xander's car he had spoken again, for all to hear, "So Red, what do you say, we've got a deal?"

 

Willow had ignored him.

§

 

~ So Willow? We've got a deal? ~

 

Spike's voice repeated. Willow, sighed, tracing her lips with trembling fingers. She yawned then mumbled, "I guess we have"

 

While sleep enveloped her, she heard him loud enough to make her open her eyes

 

~YES!~

 

Willow Rosenberg smiled in the darkness of her bedroom, closing her eyes she mumbled, "Yes, indeed."

 

"You said something, Will?" Buffy sleeply asked her friend.

 

Willow, though, was already asleep, a light Cheshire cat smile on her lips.

 

-3-

 

The following days were very busy for the Scooby Gang. Not only they were researching information on a demon Buffy had seen the night after the meeting at the hotel, but they were also looking for a couple of powerful spells to cast on Buffy and Giles and the perfect place for what they were calling "the luv trap"

 

They talked about it whenever Buffy or Giles weren't with them. They couldn't risk to make mistakes, not only because of Buffy's strength or Giles' anger, but because they feared their friends would have gotten too scared to ever think about voicing their feelings and mostly because they didn't want to ruin the friendship between the two of them.

 

They were all in Xander's basement. Willow had finally found the perfect spells, they were now discussing the location.

 

"What about the dorm?" Xander asked.

 

"Too many bloody people" Spike muttered, trying his best not to look at Willow, who looked absolutely stunning in his opinion that evening.

 

"He's right Xand...and besides, how the hell can we make Giles enter the dorm?" Willow said forcing herself not to look at Spike and not quite succeeding. He was so beautiful that evening that it almost took her breath away.

 

"Alright...." Xander said.

 

"Your basement?" Anya asked

 

Xander looked around and said, "Love, you're kidding, right?"

 

Anya looked around and asked, "Why? I love this place!"

 

"No pet, you love *him* , is different" Spike said looking at her.

 

Anya scowled and said, "So? You're not in love with....?"

 

"Ok, kids..." Spike said interrupting her, trying not to sound upset and not quite succeeding.

 

He wasn't in love with Willow...it wasn't possible, it was a laughable thing...wasn't it?

 

< Yeah, Spike...keep saying it, who knows? Maybe you'll convince yourself >

 

An inner voice murmured, and he was pretty damn sure it wasn't Willow's. He shook his head and added, "So far, we've scratched from our list the graveyard, the mansion, Joyce's house, the dorm and Xander's basement...what's left? "

 

"Giles' house?" Tara, who had been silent 'til then asked

 

"Too many magic books..." Willow said

 

"That wouldn't be a problem we could move them while they're out patrolling" Spike said matter-of-factly

 

"I can't put a spell on the whole house!" Willow exclaimed

 

~ You can do everything Willow, keep that in mind ~

 

Spike's silent support made her smile, yet she said, "There are too many bad memories in that house"

 

"About time to start with good ones, then..." Spike said.

 

"If only we still had the library" Xander complained.

 

"Yeah it would be so right for them to..." Willow stopped talking.

 

Spike who was in front of her, noticed a sudden light sparkle in her eyes. He smiled without even realizing it.

 

He'd gotten to know and love that look. It meant she was excited over something.

 

< Did I just thought  that I love her excited look? What the hell is happening to me? Am I becoming Poof Boy junior? Next thing I'm going to start composing sonnets or worse brooding! Bloody Hell!>

 

He reached for the cigarettes in his pocket and he lit one, hating that his hands were lightly shaking.

 

"Spike?" Willow's voice was gentle but firm.

 

"What?" he snapped.

 

Willow pointed at the cigarette, Spike shook his head and said, "No way! I can't feed,  can't watch the telly, I'm helping the slayer and the watcher and I'm..." he stopped before he finished his sentence, Willow caught it, though.

 

She gasped.

 

~ I'm kind  of falling in love with you, witch! I've every right to smoke a cigarette ~

 

"W...what?" she asked aloud.

 

"You heard it all, Red...just get over it, I'm smoking my cigarette!" Spike said, happy of how cool and detached his voice had sounded.

 

"Uhm...w...whatever..." she replied.

 

~ You're falling in love with me? ~

 

She silently asked. Spike didn't answer, though. He just got up from his chair and said Xander, "Look mate, you sleep here, I'm going outside to smoke. You face death everyday with the slaying, let's don't tempt fate, ok?"

 

Xander nodded surprised.  Willow got up, but Spike's voice stopped her.

 

~ Don't even try following me, Willow! Weren't you in love with Tara last time we both checked?~

 

Willow closed her eyes for a second, when she reopened them, Spike had left the basement. She then turned toward her friends and said, "I've got an idea...it will be a big, powerful spell...it's a bit tricky but I think that with Anya and Tara's help, it could actually work. "

 

"What do you want to do?" Xander asked.

 

"I want to recreate the library..." she happily said.

 

"You want what?" Tara asked

 

"I want to recreate the library..." she slowly repeated.

"How? Will, no offence...you're a terrific witch and all...but this isn't Star Trek, ya know? There's no holodeck...you can recreate the library just like that!"

 

~ Don't listen to him, Willow...remember, you can do everything ~

 

Spike's voice, was soothing, it erased all her doubts.

 

~ Are you still there? ~

 

She asked quite surprised

 

~ Yeah Luv, I'm not leaving anytime soon...unless your slayer friend dusts me, when she finds out what's going on...~

 

Spike's voice had held a teasing, happy tone, but she could sense he was actually worried.

 

~ I'll protect you ...~

 

She silently told him. She didn't hear him reply, but a few seconds later, he returned Xander's basement. He had a cocky grin plastered on his face.

 

"So let me see if I got it right, you want to re-build the library?" Xander asked.

 

She smiled and said, "I didn't mean I'm going to re-build the library...I'm saying that it's what they're going to see...we just have to choose a room"

 

"You're sure you can do that, Will?" Xander asked at the same time

 

This time, when she replied, she didn't care, whether anyone noticed she was looking straight into Spike's eyes.

"Yes, Xand. I'm sure..."

 

-4-

 

Buffy was sure her friends were hiding something from her. She was more than sure, actually. They were all in Giles' apartment.

 

Giles was in his bedroom, changing for patrolling. Buffy was checking on her weapons then putting them in her bag.

 

They were all looking at her, when they weren't planning ...whatever they were planning.

 

< Gee Buffy! Paranoid much? >

 

She shook her head and sighed. Her instinct told her that her friends and the vampire were planning something, though she had no idea what. She was going to talk to Giles about that, during patrol.

 

She was sure he had sensed something too. She closed her bag and turned toward her friends, she caught Spike

and Willow exchanging a look.

 

< Now...that's strange, since when she's not afraid of him? >

 

Buffy shook her head, again. She was about to ask them something, when Giles came back from his bedroom. He was wearing an old pair of jeans and a black sweater.

 

Her heart began pounding in her chest, she smiled though while getting close to him and teased, "You know? At times I almost miss the tweed..."

 

"Really?" he asked, smiling. Buffy nodded. "May I know, why?" Giles asked, his face was serious, but in his eyes she could read amusement.

 

"No, Giles...I don't think so..." she all but purred.

 

< What the hell am I doing? I'm flirting with my Watcher here, in front of my friends? >

 

Giles had blinked at Buffy's words. If the mere thought of it hadn't been so ridiculous, he'd have thought she was flirting with him.

 

<Be serious Rupert, she was just teasing you! It's your dirty mind which is playing tricks on you!>

 

"Hm...I...I think w...we should go, now." He finally said.

 

"I think you're right...Duty calls." Buffy said in a low voice.

 

< Great, you've managed to upset him! Now he's probably thinking you're the biggest slut ever!>

 

"We're going" she said to her friends.

 

Spike raised his head from the book he'd been reading and said, "Yeah, ducks! We'd figured this one out..." he then swiftly lowered his head returning to read the book.

 

Buffy noticed he was smiling and lightly shaking his head, if she'd turned she'd have noticed a similar smile on Willow's face.

 

"Keep researching" Giles admonished him from behind Buffy's shoulders.

 

"Yeah, watcher, whatever you say..." Spike muttered without even raising his head, he was still smiling.

 

"Ya sure I can't kill him, Giles?" Buffy asked looking at him.

 

"We've already talked about that, Buffy..." he said opening the door and gesturing her out.

 

"Yeah, right..." she mumbled getting out from the house, Giles quickly followed and closed the door behind him.

Willow closed her book. She got up from her seat and went to the window. Buffy and Giles were still talking, actually they were both laughing at something Buffy had said.

 

~ Maybe we won't need the spell, did you hear her, Willow? She was about to shag him right here, against the wall.. ~

 

Spike silently told her, amused.

 

~ Probably, but we can't take risks...~

 

~ And besides, there's still our deal, right, Willow? ~

 

~ Spike? Just shut up, please! ~

 

~ Yes, luv ...by the way did I tell you how lovely you look tonight? ~

 

Willow blushed, glad she was turning her back at her friends, she closed her eyes and silently stuttered

 

~ T...thanks. You...uh...l...look quite...uh... n...nice y...yourself! Aw...great! Now I begin stuttering in my mind! ~

 

They all looked at Spike when he suddenly chuckled. He covered his mouth with his hand and looking at them snapped, "What! Am I still free to chuckle if I want to, aren't I?"

 

"Sure Fang Boy..." Xander muttered, then shook his head, Spike never ceased to amaze him.

 

Anya had a strange expression on her face, she looked at both Spike and at Willow before returning to flipping the pages of the book she’d been reading, lightly shaking her head.

 

Tara shrugged uncomfortably, suddenly feeling like a third wheel. She was going to talk to Willow, after they’d cast the spell.

 

Willow sighed when Giles’ car finally left the street. Her heart began beating faster in her chest when she heard Spike’s voice in her mind.

 

~ You know Willow? I like you when you stutter ~

 

Willow who had kept staring at window, turned toward them and said smiling, "Ok, they've gone...it's time to begin!"

 

They all looked at her, though no one but Tara, noticed that Willow’s smile, matched Spike's

           

-5-

 

It was a beautiful, warm night, there were many stars, and the moon bathed everything in a silver light. The two people in the graveyard, though, had no time to appreciate the night's beauty, busy as they had been in fighting six vampires.

 

"When did they learn kick boxing?" Buffy said, after dusting one of them.

 

Giles, was by her side, punching one of the attacking vampires on the jaw.

 

He sighed and said, "I don't know, Buffy...and actually I don't want to find out how extensive their knowledge is"

 

He raised a hand and Buffy quickly handed him a stake, which Giles used to dust the vampire.

 

They slightly parted and Buffy asked, "How many of them?"

 

"Two" he said panting.

 

"Ok, I take the blonde one..." she said pointing at a blonde vampire who was approaching them

 

"I take the other.." Giles said matter-of -factly

 

He heard a crash, a growl, then Buffy approached him and said, "Duh, Giles! I bet you were a genius in math!"

 

He staked the vampire without much effort, then handing the stake to Buffy said, "Actually yes, though I hated it, with a passion"

 

"My, my...I can't believe it!" she said smiling at him. She wanted to talk to Giles about their friends behavior, she opened her mouth to speak, but the familiar tingle in her stomach announced her the presence of a vampire nearby.

 

She tensed for a second, she rolled her eyes then turning around, she said aloud, "C'mon oh big, ugly and scary bloodsucker, rise and shi…er growl, you don't really want me to come looking for ya? Do you?"

 

Giles shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him, how his slayer managed to actually find amusement in her slaying. He actually thought some of the things she said to those vampires before dusting them were really funny.

"Aw...c'mon...are you afraid of me?" she mocked, taking some steps forward. "I'm just a little slayer..." She added faking a frightened voice.

 

The vampire came out from behind a grave, he was growling. Buffy turned toward Giles and lightly shrugged her shoulders, before focusing her attention on the vampire.

 

"You know?" she said getting closer to him, "You guys *so* need to work on your communication's" she punched the vampire square in the face "skills!"

 

The vampire stepped back. Buffy began punching him, until the vampire fell on the ground and she staked him. Giles approached her and said, amusement evident in his voice, "You know, Buffy? I almost felt sorry for him...he didn't even know what hit him"

 

Buffy looked at him and smiled, she took a bow, then raising her head said, "A slayer...no waiting!"

 

Giles shook his head, chuckling and said, "Come on...I daresay, you've done your job for tonight..."

 

"Thank you..." she dryly commented, they were near the car when she said, "Uhm...Giles? There's something I need to talk you about on the way home"

 

Giles couldn't help smiling at her words. Did she really see his home as hers as well? His smile quickly faded, though.

He couldn't indulge in the luxury of thinking of her like that. He couldn't let his feelings escape from the corner of his soul, where they lived...it was dangerous, too dangerous. Yet he was so tired of ignoring them

 

He loved her. He loved Buffy Summers, with his life. God knew whether he had tried to fight against those feelings. In the beginning, he’d felt so ashamed of them. When he’d met her, she was barely sixteen, while he was in his forties. He’d felt like an old dirty man. He’d felt ashamed because he was her Watcher. He was supposed to watch *over* her, but he soon found himself staring *at* her.

 

He sighed while getting in the car. There were days where he couldn’t be next to her without feeling a dull ache in his soul, right where he hid his feelings for her. There were nights when he couldn’t help turning and tossing in his bed, worried about her….about her safety.

 

There were moments, just like that, where he needed her so much that it was almost unbearable for him to ignore the love he felt for her, nights where his heart beat too fast, nights when each fiber of his being longed to touch her, to hold her tight to him. Yet, he kept being silent. He kept being Giles, watcher, mentor, friend.

 

He shook his head when he sat in the car, and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a shaky breath, "Are you alright?" she asked

 

Giles turned toward the girl...

 

<Woman...she is a woman Rupert, though, it would have been easier for you, if she was still a girl...you'd still have an alibi, wouldn't you? >

 

He shook his head and said, "I'm a little sore, that's all" he smiled at her, and she smiled back at him, whispering, "Fine..."

 

"And you? Are you all right?" he asked looking her, concerned.

 

"I'm fine..." she reassured him. She reached his hand and squeezed it for a second before letting go of it. Giles swallowed and started the car.

 

They were both quiet for a while, then he suddenly asked, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

 

Buffy, who was looking at the window, turned toward him "Uh?"

 

"You said you...."

 

"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed. She took a deep breath then asked, "Ok, maybe I'm paranoid...but...didn't you notice something strange?"

 

He surprised her saying, "Here on the Hellmouth? Naa..!"

 

She chuckled at his words and said, "Ok, let's be more specific...did you notice something strange in the gang?"

It was Giles' turn to chuckle, Buffy shook her head, "Besides the usual weirdness..."

 

Giles frowned and said, "Actually, yes. Why?"

 

"What did you notice?" Buffy asked.

 

"They look like they're hiding something from us.." he said.

 

"Did you notice that, too?" Buffy asked. She didn't know whether to be relieved she hadn't been paranoid, or furious at them, for hiding something from her.

 

"Yes, I did." He said. He’d noticed how their friends’ conversations abruptly ended whenever Buffy or him, entered a room. He’d had suspicions, but had dismissed them, as Buffy he didn’t know whether to be relieved or angry at them.

 

"Willow and Spike keep glancing at each other" Buffy said.

 

"Yes, I noticed that..." he said nodding.

 

"They're meeting without telling us..." she whispered.

 

"What for?" Giles asked surprised.

 

"I have no idea, Giles. Whenever I ask Willow something, she just says they've been out...and that they couldn't reach me."

 

"I'm sure there is a valid explanation, Buffy" he reassured her.

 

"Yeah, right..." she said. She couldn't hide, fear and hurt in her voice.

 

Giles, though, once again surprised her, saying, "Don't even think that, Buffy! They're not cutting you out!"

 

Giles stopped the car, they were in front of his house. The man turned toward her and said, "They are not cutting you out, Buffy. I am absolutely sure there is a valid explanation to their behavior"

 

"How did you know what I was thinking?" she asked surprised.

 

Giles smiled and leaning toward her whispered against her ear, "Can you keep a secret?"

 

Buffy smiled, delighted for the close contact and the feeling of his hot breath against her ear. She swallowed and said, "Yes, of course..."

 

Though she didn't see it, she heard Giles' smile in his voice when he said, "Well, so can I..."

 

His lips caressed the soft skin of her earlobe for an instant with his lips. It took all her Slayer's strength not to jump for the surprise.

 

< He...ohmygod...ohmygod...breathe, Buffy...breathe! It's been an accident...you were so close...and...ohmygod...he KISSED my EARLOBE!!!! >

 

Giles, who was oblivious, of Buffy's thoughts, was looking at her, with a look akin horror in his face.

 

< That's bloody priceless, Rupert! Well done! She now thinks you are a pervert! And you know what? She is right! >

 

He didn't know what to say and he doubted he could even utter a word in that moment, without embarrassing himself. Eventually he asked, "Do you want me to drive you to the dorm?"

 

Buffy all but jumped when she said, "What?"

 

"Do you want me to..." he started

 

"Oh...yes, thank you...but, I've to grab some things inside" she said pointing at Giles' house.

 

"Good, and I'd really mind a cup of tea" he said.

 

"Well, I guess we gotta go, then..." she whispered.

 

"Yes, I guess we should." He replied.

 

They didn't talk for a while, then Buffy stepped out from the car leaving Giles alone. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Great..."

 

He quickly followed her outside, none of them noticed Xander, hidden behind a car. The young man made sure they had reached the porch before he whispered in a walkie talkie, "They’re here…it’s time, Will!"

 

-6-

 

"They’re here, it’s time, Will" Xander’s voice came from the walkie-talkie. Willow took a deep breath before looking at Anya, Tara and Spike.

 

They were hiding in the mansion, after endless debating they’d decided to perform the spells there.

 

She swallowed and looked at Anya who began chanting, casting the spell to lock all the doors of Giles’ house once they entered.

 

She looked at Tara. The woman nodded and began chanting the truth’s spell.

 

Willow’s spell was the most difficult. She slowly began chanting, closing her eyes, focusing her mind on the library.

 

She could almost see it through Buffy and Giles’ eyes.

She blocked Spike’s out of her mind, and she was glad when he didn’t try to enter it. She felt his presence, though, and she was comforted by it.

 

<Oh, God, don’t let me screw this up, please>

 

She thought while chanting. The three women got closer and held hands while chanting.

 

Spike looked amazed at the three women chanting the spells. He could feel the magic, almost smell it. He grinned, when electricity filled the air…the Watcher and the Slayer were in for a hell of a ride.

 

He was looking forward to seeing what was going to happen.

 

-7-

 

"Oh, my God!" Buffy exclaimed, when Giles switched on the lights. They were in the library...or rather, an exact replica of the library.

 

She turned toward him and looked at him asking, "What the hell is going on?"

 

Giles was looking around, he tried to open the door but it was locked. He shook his head and took some steps forward looking around amazed, then turning toward Buffy he said, "I can't believe it."

 

"I second that..." she whispered getting close to him, Giles noticed she had tears in her eyes.

 

"Are you all right, Buffy?" he asked concerned.

 

"Yes, I am. It's just..." she took a deep breath, then said in a cracked voice, "I really miss this place..."

 

"Me too..." he admitted.

Buffy turned toward him and smiled, she then took some steps forward and began looking around, tears were now rolling on her cheeks, Giles got close to her and asked, "Why are you crying?"

 

"Life was so easy...I could...pretend...it was enough for me to see you here...the library was my safety net" she blinked, realizing what she'd just told him.

 

Giles looked at her surprised and asked, "A safety net from what if I may ask?"

 

"For what I felt for you" she blinked again and looking at him asked, "Did I just say *that* out loud?"

 

Giles just nodded, not trusting his voice...or his mind for the matter. It was quite obvious they were under the effect of various spells…and it was quite clear to him who had cast them. He just wondered the reason for casting them.

 

"Way to go, Buffy!" she said out loud, then closed her eyes and shook her head.

 

"I think we're under the effect of some spells?" he stated, though it came out as a question.

 

"Duh, Giles! And I was thinking the library had come to pay a visit to us!" She opened her eyes and looked at him.

 

Giles chuckled and managed to say, "You know Buffy? I really love your sense of humor"

 

He stopped chuckling and looked at her. Buffy got close to him and asked, "Do you?"

 

"Yes…how could I not?" he stopped and shook his head then whispered, "Please, Buffy...don't ask me any questions...you might not like the answers..."

 

"Try me..." she said, grazing his forearm.

 

Giles jerked away and almost shouted, "Don't touch me!"

 

Buffy dropped her hand and snapped, "Fine!"

 

Giles sighed, that didn't go unnoticed to Buffy, who looked at him and said, "Why don't you just tell me the truth? You can do it, now. You can spit out how much you hate me, for what I did to you!"

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked. He was confused, how could she really think he hated her?

 

"Are you deaf now, Giles?" She asked getting closer to him. She took him by his shoulders and hissed against his face, "You can tell it, now! You can finally tell me how much you hate me for Jenny's death, for what you went through with Angelus because of me..."

 

"What?" he managed to say.

 

Buffy's grip on his shoulders was beginning to be painful, Buffy wasn't paying attention, though. She was looking at him, "C'mon Giles, just spill it...you hate me, don't you?"

 

"Buffy, I could ever hate you...and now would you please let go of my shoulders? You are hurting me!"

 

"It's not what I do best? You probably think I get a kick out of it, by now, don't you?" She said. She was bitterly smiling. She let go of Giles' shoulders and stepped back shaking her head. Giles got close to her and said,

 

"Buffy..."

 

"Don't!" she shouted, "You can't lie now, so don't even try to...you're right! I might not like what you'd say!"

 

She turned her back to him and headed toward his office,

 

Giles' voice made her stop on her tracks when he said,

"Running as usual, Buffy?"

 

She turned around and looked at him. Giles was approaching her, a strange look in his green eyes, "I thought, you had figured out that running doesn't solve problems..."

 

"I need to be alone..." she mumbled.

 

"Oh, yes...you often do..." he started.

 

"Giles..." she tried to interrupt him, but he went on saying,

 

"Too bad that in the process of mending your own wounds you hurt all the people who love you..."

 

Though she wanted to, she didn't lower her head, she kept looking at him.

Giles sat on the big table and shrugged, "I don't blame you for that, though. Believe it or not, even your old, stuffy, *gross* former Watcher, has been young..."

 

"You're not old..." she said in a low voice.

 

"Oh, yes, I am..." he mumbled

 

"No you're not...and you aren't *gross *, you could ever be..." she said in a small voice.

 

"Then why...?" he began.

 

"Gee Giles, luckily you haven't ever been that dense as a watcher!" she said shaking her head.

 

Buffy almost laughed at the puzzled look he flashed her. She took a deep breath and got close to him, sitting beside him on the table, she looked at him and asked,

 

"Do you want to know why I've been a ‘bitca’ with you last year?"

 

"Yes, I'd really like to know..." he said, crossing his arms over his chest then added, "And you weren't a..."

 

"Yes I was" she said interrupting him.

 

Giles shook his head. He sighed then said, "No Buffy, you weren’t. You were pretty self-centered, you looked like you didn't care whether I was hurting or not ...but you weren't a 'bitca' "

 

"Feel free to contradict me anytime" she replied dryly.

 

Giles smiled and asked, "So?"

 

"I was scared, Giles. I was scared senseless. I didn't have the library, the high school, the council, Angel...there was nothing where I could hid behind."

 

"Hiding from what? And why did you feel the need to hide, anyway?"

 

"Hiding from you" she said in a low voice.

 

"Uh?" was all that Giles managed to say. She looked at him and shook her head saying, "You're surprised?"

 

"Bloody shocked would be more accurate." He said, then shook his head at his words.

 

She chuckled then said, "Imagine how bloody shocked *I* was, when I realized I was in love with you" she then covered her mouth with her hand and silently cursed.

 

Giles blinked.

 

< She is in love with you! >

 

He lightly shook his head and looked at her

 

< She can't be serious >

 

He blinked again

 

< Not to point out the obvious...but you are both under the effect of a truth spell. It took all your strength not to tell her the same thing >

 

"I..." he began.

 

"Doesn't it matter, Giles. I know you don't love me. I mean, I know you love me as a friend, because I didn't buy for a second Travers' crap about you loving me as a daughter. I know you care about me, though I'd be damned if I know why! I mean, how could you after last year?"

 

"Uhm...Buffy?" he asked, he couldn't hide a smile.

 

She wasn't listening to him, though. She was still talking, "It's okay, I understand you, really. I admit it, sometimes I don't love myself that much..."

 

"Buffy?" he tried again, in a gentle tone, but, Buffy was continuing her tirade, "Just don't say it out loud, please. Unfortunately, my slayer's stamina doesn't extend on my feelings and..."

 

A loud whistle, interrupted her. She turned toward him, her eyes were bright with unshed tears, she swallowed and asked in a cracked voice, "What?"

 

"I love you too..." he said

 

"You 'what' me?" she asked, her voice still cracked, she couldn’t help some tears falling down her cheeks.

 

"I. Love. You." He repeated, stressing each word, with soft kisses on her face, drying them

 

"How can you?" She asked arching her head.

 

Giles took it between his hands and looking at her asked,

 

"How could I not?"

 

"I'm selfish" she said, caressing his face

 

"Sometimes..." he said smiling.

 

"Gee, Giles...thank you!" she replied, but she was smiling too.

 

"It's not a bad selfishness...you just know when to draw a line. Your calling took away so much from you, but you don't let yourself getting eaten up by it."

 

She swallowed, unable to stop the new tears which were swelling in her eyes. Giles pulled her closer in a tight embrace and whispered against her hair, "You made mistakes, but what about mine? You asked me how could I love you...and what about you? How can you love me after..."

 

Buffy stopped him, raising her head and placing a kiss on his lips. It was a tender, loving kiss, when she parted from him whispered, "I don't care. It doesn't matter!"

 

Giles shook his head and said, "It does, Buffy. It does matter..."

 

Buffy shook her head and whispered, "You really want to win this one, don't ya? Alright, we've hurt each other, but this little trip to Guiltapalooza ends here and it ends *now* !"

 

She kissed again on his lips, then said, "We've hurt each other, yet now we're here, whatever *here* is, into each other's arms...don’t you see a pattern hidden here, somewhere?"

 

Giles had to smile at her words, Buffy smiled back and said, "I love you Rupert Giles. It took me forever to admit it, even to myself. I've been territorial and jealous, I've been a slut"

She covered his mouth with her hand when he tried to object and said, "Yes, Giles...I've been a real pain in the ass. I've mastered in the art of denial. I ached to be with you, yet I sent you away."

 

Giles lightly grabbed her hand, he pulled it away from his mouth then asked, "Why?"

 

"I had to Giles. Don't you understand? I couldn't allow myself to love you. You're the most important person in my life...you know everything about me...everything. I can be myself with you...I feel *whole* with you, I feel safe with you" she stopped talking and shrugged, shaking her head.

 

Giles caressed her cheeks and gently said, "But?"

 

Buffy sighed then whispered, " *But* I always lose the people I love. I don't know why, maybe it's a special 'Slayer jinx ' or maybe it's just my life which sucks big time, what I know...is that I couldn't and can't lose you...so I thought that if this time *I* didn't screw things up, showing my love, you wouldn't have left, you would have been safe..." she paused then added, uncertainty in her voice, "am I making any sense here?"

 

"Uhm...yes...I think." He said, not trusting his voice.

 

"Good..." she said, then sighed. She swallowed then said in a cracked voice, "Of course being Buffy, the queen of screws up...I nearly lost you anyway...and I'm so sorry Giles..."

 

"I thought you said that we had to stop with the guilt trips?" he said raising his eyebrows at her.

 

Buffy laughed at his words, she leaned against his shoulders and closed her eyes.

 

She felt Giles' hands slowly stroking her hair, his steady heartbeat, his spicy smell and suddenly it was too much for her to bear, tears began spilling on her cheeks.

 

She buried her face in Giles' chest sobbing, letting go of four years of denial, hurt, guilt, and love.

 

She felt Giles' strong arms pulling her closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hung onto him for dear life.

 

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." she kept whispering in his chest, between sobs

Giles closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair.

 

 He was crying too, though, he didn't realize it. He had loved her for so long, without even hoping she could love him back, that her words kept bringing tears in his eyes. Throughout the years he’d been by her side.

 

He’d seen her falling in love with other men. He’d comforted her when she was hurting. He’d held her when she cried.

 

Never had he thought about himself in those moments. Her happiness had always been the most important thing for him. Her happiness had been his, as well, and now Buffy was telling him she loved him, he couldn't believe how lucky he was.

 

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, he then took her face in his hands and gently forced her to raise it.

 

He looked at her for a long time before saying, "I love you so much, Buffy...so much that it sometimes hurts, do you know what I mean?"

 

She just nodded and sniffed, smiling when he wiped tears away from her face with shaking fingers.

 

She took his hand in hers and placed it on her chest, above her heart saying, "It hurts here, sometimes...when I look at you...and what I want to do is just hold and be held by you...when all that I want...all that I crave.."

 

"Crave?" he asked surprised

 

"Yeah, yay me, Watcher..." she said smiling.

 

"Yay" he whispered.

Buffy shook her head and threw her arms around Giles' neck, laughing. She was still laughing when she raised her head and looking at him said, "I *so* love you, ya know?"

 

"Yes, I think I know, now." He said, thinking he could lose himself in her eyes.

 

"Yup, it looks like..." she said. She looked at him and said, "You know, Giles? We've admitted our feelings to each other, we've had our little angstfeast, we've cried, laughed...but..."

 

"We haven't kissed each other..." he finished for her.

 

"Yet..." she added.

 

"Yet" he echoed

 

"So, will you kiss me ?" she asked

 

"Right here? On this table?" he asked

 

"Why not?" she said shrugging.

 

"I'm about to fulfill, one of my wildest fantasies..." He breathed against her mouth, before he kissed her. The kiss was gentle at first, but it soon grew with intensity.

 

Giles felt Buffy's hands under his sweatshirt, caressing his bare shoulders and back, her nails gently scratching his skin.

 

He was almost afraid to touch her, still afraid all of it was just another wonderful dream, afraid she would just burst like a bubble if he touched her and besides he was too mesmerized by the taste of her lips, by the feeling of their tongues meeting, teasing each other's.

 

He touched her, eventually, he gently caressed her lightly arched back, her waist, he hesitantly placed a hand on her left breast.

 

He could feel her heart beating fast, so fast under his palm, he lightly stroked her nipple through the fabric of her sweater, Buffy arched against him and lowered her hand to touch his bottom.

 

Giles squeezed his eyes shut, deepening the kiss for an instant before he reluctantly pulled away from her, only then he realized that somehow they'd end up lying on the table, with him on top of Buffy. He looked at her, they were both panting.

 

"I want you..." he heard himself saying.

 

< Great Rupert, how sensitive of you! >

 

"I'd say I noticed that..." she said, cupping his erection with a hand and flashing him a grin.

 

"But...not like that..." he managed to say, after the shock of feeling her hand on his penis.

 

"Why?" she asked, she was all but pouting. Giles helped her sitting on the table, took a deep breath and said,

 

"Because it is wrong...because this wouldn't be making love...it would be just a ..."

 

"Quick shag on the big reading table of my high school library?" she said in a teasing tone.

 

"Exactly. I told you this was one of my wildest fantasies...and that what it was, a fantasy...but this is reality."

 

"I should hope so..." She said, she was still grinning at him.

 

"I want our fist time to be perfect." He softly said.

 

"It still would be perfect..." she objected.

 

"Probably," he admitted "but I'm a romantic at heart...and I want a bed, candlelight, flowers..."

 

"You’re mushy, you know that?" She said, then she covered her mouth with a hand and mumbled, "sorry..."

 

"You don't need to apologise, my dear. I already knew that" he said before kissing her again.

 

When they broke the kiss, Buffy asked, "You’re sure, you don't want to...?"

 

"Yes Buffy, I am...and I think I've gone completely crazy." He said half smiling.

 

"Welcome to the club" she wryly replied.

 

"And I think I shall take a very cold shower, once the spell cast by Willow wears out..."

 

"At least the mystery has been finally solved...they were setting us up" she commented.

 

They were both sitting on the table now, her arm around his waist, his around her shoulders, she was resting her head against his fore arm.

 

"I'd really like to know how she managed to talk Spike into this" he wondered aloud

 

She chuckled against his arm and murmured, "I don't know and I'm looking forward to hearing all the gory details of their plan, but first, there's something I really *need* to know"

 

Giles lowered his head and met her eyes, she smiled at him and asked, "Just...when did you learn to whistle?"

 

Giles' answer was a deep, mind blowing kiss. When he pulled away Buffy decided she didn't *need* to know, after all.

-8-

 

"You think it worked?" Xander asked Willow.

 

The red-head, shrugged while putting away the herbs and the candles, she'd used for the spells. Anya and Spike were helping her.

 

She looked very tired, yet she smiled when she said, "I don't know, Xand...however I'm going to hide somewhere and sleep for three days, at least..."

 

They were all very tired, except for Spike, of course. After Buffy and Giles had left, they had all worked to collect Giles' books and had placed them in Giles' bedroom.

 

"I think it worked, though." Spike said without looking at anyone.

 

~ Thanks ~

 

Willow silently said. He smiled, not noticing how Tara was looking at them.

 

~ You’re welcome, luv ~

 

Spike realized that they were getting used to talking like that. They'd not understood yet, why they were able to communicate that way.

 

Willow had made some research, but it had been useless, so they'd just accepted that link, welcomed it, actually.

 

Spike found it very amusing. He liked it when she blushed after he told her something about their deal. He turned toward Willow, the young witch had sat on the floor, she was leaning her head against a wall, her eyes were closed. She was breathing heavily.

 

"Hey, is Red alright?" he asked turning toward Tara.

 

"She is fine" Tara coldly replied, "she's just tired. It was a hell of a spell, in case you didn't notice"

 

"Yeah, whatever you say..." Spike muttered kneeling on the floor to pick some candles.

 

~ Willow, are you sure you're fine? ~

 

He silently asked, trying his best to hide how concerned he was.

 

~ I'm just very tired, Spike...~

 

She reassured him. Spike's lips curved in a light smile, yet, he felt the irrational urge to breath in relief...he'd have laughed at that...he was a vampire....he didn't breathe!

 

He worked for a while with the others to collect the things they’d used for the spells. He could sense Willow was very weak and tired. He silently debated with himself whether he’d to turn and check on Willow.

 

< Why the hell do I care? What if she isn’t feeling well? Big deal! Quit being such a ninny>

 

He shook his head, he could hear the frantic beating of Willow’s heart. He slowly got up and closed one of the boxes they’d brought to the mansion.

 

He wanted to look at her, he wanted to make sure she was fine. The demon within himself started to protest at that thought, he briefly morphed in his game face, but he fought it back slipping back in his human face.

 

<Oh, bugger it I’m going soft, ok? Get over it!>

 

Spike finally turned to check on Willow only to notice Tara, who was looking at her with an unreadable expression on her face.

 

Tara then turned toward him and shrugged, as if she had been expecting him to look at her girl friend. He held her gaze for a second before looking at Willow.

 

The young witch looked more relaxed now, she’d regained color, even her heart beat was steadier.

 

He turned and knelt, collecting from the floor the last candles, feeling much more relaxed.

 

~ Spike? ~

 

Willow suddenly said.

 

~ What? ~

 

He silently snapped at her. He didn’t want her to understand how concerned he’d been for her and how relieved he was she was feeling better.

Willow surprised him, though, silently telling him.

 

~ I know both Tara and you are checking on me and on each other, and I know that the saying if looks could kill has never been that true as tonight. The tension could be cut with a knife ~

 

~ Willow? Point anytime soon? ~ he silently asked interrupting her.

 

~ Point, yes…there’s a point! Uhm... would you please take the others outside with you? I need to talk to Tara for a while ~

 

~ Do I look like a bloody...?~

 

He began,

 

~ Please, Spike...~

 

Willow's gentle voice in his mind said

 

~ Alright...~

 

He silently mumbled. Spike got up and placed the candles in a box. He looked at Xander and said, "Hey mate, quit smooching with your girlfriend and help me putting these things in your car..."

 

"What about your supernatural strength?" Xander asked, arching his head, while Anya kissed his neck.

 

"Yeah...well, just shut up and come with me, will you?" Spike said holding the boxes in his arms.

 

"Fine, fang boy..." Xander muttered getting up from his chair. He took a book and followed Spike outside.

 

 Anya looked at the two women and shook her head, then she followed Spike and Xander outside.

 

Once they were alone Willow sighed and opened her eyes. Tara was looking at her, Willow shook her head and closed again her eyes then said, "C'mon Tara...spill."

 

"No, Will, you spill!" the woman said sitting next to her on the floor, "What the hell is going on between you and Spike?"

 

"I don't know" she said opening her eyes and looking at her, "I don't know" she repeated.

 

"Well, count me in it too...I don't know what to think...it almost looks like you can read each other's minds"

 

Willow sighed. They'd decided not to tell anyone about the mental link they shared. No one would undrstand, or worse they would have insisted to erase it, and neither of them wanted it, so she looked at her girlfriend and said, "What do you want me to tell you, Tara?"

 

"Oh, I don't know, Willow! I'd like you to tell me you're not falling in love with a vampire, that would be a nice start!" She stood up and started pacing the room, "I'd like you to tell me, I'm just paranoid...and that I *so* need to work on my self esteem... " she paused and marveling she added, "I'd just like to know the truth, Will..."

 

Willow sighed then opening her eyes said, "What if I didn't know the truth? What if I couldn't tell you whether I'm falling in love with a vampire? I wish I knew Tara..."

 

"What did he tell you that night at the hotel? What happened between the two of you? And which kind of deal do you have?" she softly asked.

 

Willow didn't answer her, though. They were both quiet for a while, then Tara said, "Dammit Willow, answer me!"

 

Willow opened her eyes and got up. She took a step forward and said, "Don't you ever dare talk to me like that again! Have I made myself clear?"

 

"Or what? You call your vampire so he can bite me?

Ops...I'd forgotten he can't bite anymore!" she hissed.

 

Willow closed her eyes and sighed, when she reopened them said, "Fine Tara, you want the truth?"

 

Tara interrupted her and said in a cracked voice, "No...I don't think I need to hear it anymore...I know what I needed to know"

She pulled her in a hug, then she placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered against it, "Don't let him hurt you, please..."

 

She then broke their embrace and headed toward the door, Willow's voice stopped her when she said in a cracked voice, "I love you Tara, you know?"

 

Tara, choking back tears turned toward her and said, "Yeah...but you love him more..."

 

Willow just closed her eyes. She started when she heard the door close and let a few tears roll down on her cheeks.

 

On the way out Tara saw Spike. He was leaning against a wall, she stopped in front of him. She'd expected him to smile, instead he looked very serious.

 

She looked at him and hissed, "Don't ever hurt her, you bloodsucker bastard ..."

 

Spike looked at her for a long time then he said, "I won't, Tara...believe me."

 

The woman looked at him for a second and nodded.

She saw love in his blue eyes. Love for Willow.

She believed him.

She got out from the mansion, Xander drove her to the dorm.

No one heard from her ever again.

 

-9-

 

Willow Rosenberg sighed resting her head against the wheel of her car.  "What the hell am I doing here?" she wondered in a low voice.

 

She was tired, she was very tired. The spells and the ‘luv trap’ had succeeded. Buffy and Giles had got together, that hadn’t prevented them from calling all of them once the spell had worn off, though,  to give them a piece of their minds…after having thanked them!

 

All she had wanted had been to crawl somewhere and rest, of course that had been impossible.

 

First Buffy and Giles’ had grilled all of them about the set up, then they had all grilled her about her break up with Tara.

 

All of them including a certain bleached-blonde vampire who was waiting for her in a hotel room, in that moment.

 

A certain bleached-blonde vampire who had mercilessly silently teased her about their deal while the others had been grilling her.

 

She’d been tempted to stake him, just to shut him up…she’d been tempted to stake all of them, actually.

 

<Yeah, so much for being a good girl, uh?>

 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

~ Are you afraid? ~ came suddenly Spike’s silent question.

 

~ Leave me the hell alone for a while, will you? ~ she silently snapped at him.

 

~A bit touchy, aren’t we? ~ Spike dryly replied.

 

Willow shook her head. She liked Spike, a lot. She’d always been terrified by him, but at the same time she’d always liked him. Every red blooded female would have liked him….

 

"Who am I kidding? Every red *blooded* female? Helloo? Harmony anyone?" she said aloud, thinking that not only living and breathing females shared her opinion about Spike.

 

She sighed. She *so* liked Spike…what she didn’t understand was why he liked her. Was it due to what was happening to them…whatever it was?

 

Before that fateful night when they’d begun reading each other’s mind…he’d never given any sign of liking her…unless she counted kidnapping her, threatening her and almost killing her as signs of his affection.

 

They had made a deal…sort of. They hadn’t really talked about it. 

 

Willow smiled thinking that although Spike had teased her about it, they hadn’t really talked. Whenever they’d been alone for the last days they’d been too busy kissing and groping each other to even think about their deal, let alone talking about it, whether aloud or through their link.

 

She let out a muffled scream in her hands. What was going to happen once she entered that room? The only thing she knew for sure was that they were going to make love.

 

She shook her head and said aloud, "Dream on, Red…you’re just going to shag…making love is not going to enter this picture anytime soon."

 

Not that Spike had been rough with her, on the contrary he’d surprised her with his gentleness. He was passionate, *way* passionate, as she’d discovered, but not rough…at least he’d been that way while smooching …who knew however, how was he during sex?

 

All Willow knew was that she’d never been that aroused, scared and confused as she was in that moment. She tried to ignore her feelings for Spike…he’d told her he was ‘sorta’ falling in love with her, but how could she believe him?

 

Not that she didn’t believe he was able to love…Buffy had told her about his speech which had ended with Spike calling himself ‘love’s bitch’, a speech she’d silently wholly agreed with.

 

 He’d wanted her to cast a love spell to have Drusilla back. He’d loved Drusilla, for almost as long as he’d been a vampire.

 

She’d doubts, however, about him falling in love with *her *.

 

As for her feelings, she had acknowledged she was falling in love with him…and that scared her more than the fact he was a vampire.

 

She sighed, again, trying to relax.

 

< I want to get into that room…I’ll get into that room…I’m an adult and I’m about to have sex with a vampire…and I’m lucky because he doesn’t have a soul, so it’s not like hell will break loose if I give him a happy…am I going to give him a happy? Will he laugh at me? Oh, God…>

 

~ Uhm…Willow? Are you going to sit in that car forever? I can wait…you know…I’m…~

 

~I know you’re dead…undead…whatever…oh, please, leave me alone! ~ she silently told him.

 

~ Have you changed your mind, about our deal? ~ he silently asked.

 

Willow felt Spike didn’t seem happy at the idea. She hadn’t still worked out all the details about the mental link they shared.

 

She knew they could telepathically talk to each other all the time, even when they were apart, that they could even hear each other’s thoughts, but only after they shared a certain degree of intimacy. They could feel each other’s moods…although not strongly.

 

She frowned, was he really eager to have sex with her how she sensed?

 

~ Willow? ~ Spike silently called.

 

~ I’ll be right here…~ she silently said.

 

She clutched the cross she’d hid in the sleeve of the short, black dress she was wearing, then checked to see whether she could easily reach the stake she’d hid in her other sleeve.

 

<That sure as hell gives a new meaning to the term safe sex…> she thought while getting out from her car.

 

She shook her head and couldn’t help chuckling at that thought, She was in front of the room’s door, still chuckling, but she froze when she heard in her mind Spike’s laughter.

 

She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock at the door, but gasped when Spike opened it. He was in his game face, he smiled at her showing his fangs, he lightly grabbed her wrist and said, "Come in, luv…I think it’s payback time"

 

-10-

 

Willow would have been utterly surprised whether she’d known Spike was as doubtful as she was about their deal.

 

He’d paced the room, while waiting for Willow to sort out her feelings, understanding for the first time the Watcher’s need to pace.

 

He’d even made a mental note to himself to buy him a stock of Earl Gray Tea, then he’d stopped in his tracks and growled at the thought, thinking he had been spending way too much time with humans.

 

<What the *fuck* am I doing here? Making a deal with a human to shag her? Groping her like a horny teenager? Mate…you’re losing it! >

 

He’d thought shaking his head. He liked Willow, a lot. He probably liked her too much. He hadn’t lied to her, he was really falling in love with her, and he was mad as hell, for that very reason.

 

"Vampires aren’t supposed to fall in love with humans…they’re happy meals on legs, remember? Come on Spike! Angel anyone? Great, now I’m talking to myself…next thing I’m going to brood over the unfairness of my unlife!"

 

He’d shaken his head, but had frozen when he’d felt Willow’s doubts and fear.

 

It hadn’t taken long  for him to realize he was the stronger part of the link they shared. He could always sense, feel, hear her...and what surprised him was that he enjoyed their link.

 

He liked her mind, liked her way of thinking, her sense of humor, her intelligence. After one hundred years spent with Drusilla and that brief period spent with Harmony, it was a relief for him, to be able to have a decent conversation with another person without wanting to smack his head against a wall.

 

He’d loved Drusilla. He’d loved her with fierce intensity, that love had always surprised people in the vampire community…but he hadn’t cared about it. Being evil was a blast, he enjoyed it…but he couldn’t help the fact that he was able to love.

 

Perhaps something had gone wrong when he had been turned, perhaps his inner demon was a ninny or someone below him really had a twisted sense of humor, all he knew was that when Dru had left him, he’d hurt, a lot, it had shredded his undead heart…and that for the first time since then, he felt whole…thanks to the red-headed witch.

 

He’d smiled at Willow’s thoughts. She was afraid to disappoint him. He had been able to hear her thoughts about giving him a happy and had had to chuckle.

 

 First thing first, the witch had to work a little on her self-esteem, he’d decided recalling their brief and intense meetings of the previous days.

 

There was a fire within her, a passion he could almost taste when they were together. She was so responsive, so passionate…he realized with a smile that The Slayer and the Watcher hadn’t been the only ones needing cold showers lately.

 

Of course he hadn’t taken cold showers, since he was a vampire…but the temptation had been strong.

 

Very strong.

 

He’d shaken his head and had sat on the bed lightly scratching the black polish on his thumb’s nail. He’d then crossed his arms over his chest and had silently asked

 

~ Uhm…Willow? Are you going to sit in that car forever? I can wait…you know…I’m…~

 

Willow had interrupted him, silently telling him she knew he was undead…how in the bloody hell did she knew what he’d been about to say?

 

He’d sensed she had been afraid. He had blinked and had silently asked,

 

~ Have you changed your mind about our deal? ~

 

He hadn’t been happy about the idea, especially when he’d realized that he wouldn’t have forced her to do anything. He'd tortured people. He'd killed people just for the fun of it, but he had never raped a woman whether human or vampire.

 

Of course he was going to scare ten or maybe twenty years out of her life whether she’d changed her mind…but forcing her into anything had been out of the question.

 

<Am I going soft or what?> He’d silently wondered shrugging.

 

~ I’ll be right here ~  She’d silently told him and Spike had to fight the irrational urge of breathing in relief.

 

He’d blinked when he’d felt that Willow was still unsure about him. He knew she probably had weapons with her, his suspicions had been confirmed when she’d heard Willow’s remark about safe sex.

 

He had laughed at her words. He really loved her sense of humor and her chuckles.

 

He’d approached the door when he’d felt her near. He’d been able to hear her heart beat, he’d sniffed the sweet smell of her fear and her arousal. He’d gone to the door but had stopped when he’d considered what he’d just though about her chuckles.

 

He’d growled, angry at himself and without even realizing he’d morphed in his game face. He’d opened the door, and the demon within himself had been delighted at her scared look, he’d smiled at her, showing his fangs.

 

He’d lightly grabbed her wrist careful not to hurt her and had said, "Come in, luv…I think it’s payback time"

 

-11-

 

He closed the door behind him, still holding Willow’s wrist. She was frightened, he could sense it, both through their link and her blood.

 

He fought back his demon and turned toward her. He let go of her wrist and smiled asking wryly, "So…when are you going to announce to the world your engagement with your car?"

 

"Uh?" Willow managed to say frowning.

 

She was shocked. Spike had scared her senseless when he’d greeted her in grrr-mode, for an instant she’d feared he was going to kill her…and she had to admit she still feared that.

 

"Earth to Willow…do you miss your car? Do you want us to move there? It’s okay for me, though not very comfy"

 

Spike asked, he couldn’t help smiling at her stunned face.

 

Willow nodded, then shook her head no, then looked at him and blinked when she noticed what he was wearing... blue jeans and a black, tight t-shirt. She swallowed…wondering why suddenly her throat was as dry as the Sahara desert.

 

 She took a deep breath, yet her voice came out as a squeal when she said, "No…uhmm…I like being here…"

 

"Good…" he said nodding.

 

They both were quiet for a while, then Willow suddenly asked, "May I know why you greeted me like that? You scared me senseless!"

 

He laughed and shrugging said, "Luv, I’m a vampire, remember?"

 

Willow lightly shook her head and placing her hands on her hips said, "Well, Mr. I’m-evil-and-proud-of-it…try one of these tricks again and I’ll turn you in the first vampire squirrel ever!"

 

A part of him felt the need to apologize to the young woman.

 

He could still hear the pounding of her heart in her chest and smell the adrenaline, instead he just shrugged and said, "Look, Red…I’m no prince charming…neither I’m the big Poofini… "

 

"So?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest

 

"So you have to expect to see me acting like that if we want this to work …"

 

~ Uh? ~ she silently said frowning.

 

Spike frowned as well and said, "Let me rephrase this…"

 

"W…wait…did you just….did you just say work ? As in …"

 

"As in *nothing *…" he said adamantly, interrupting her.

 

"I just wanted to warn you…"

 

"Oh, thank you, I guess…" she whispered.

 

Spike just shrugged…wondering why he’d warned her and mostly why he’d done it to cover the slip of his tongue, and since when he’d wanted things to work between them, anyway?

 

She shortened the distance between them and said, "Well, now that we have made things clear between us what do we do?"

 

Spike smiled and said, "You could start throwing away the cross and the stake you’re hiding somewhere under that beautiful outfit of yours… "

 

Willow smiled and shrugged, then said, "Can I trust you?"

 

He’d to laugh at her words, "Of course not…but if you don’t throw that stuff away, we’re going to give a whole new meaning to the term coitus interruptus"

 

Willow giggled at his words, but didn’t move. Spike sighed and said, "Red?"

 

Willow smiled at him and took some steps backwards, she took a deep breath and slowly began unzipping her dress.

 

Spike stared at her, his face didn’t betray any emotion, but he had to admit he was surprised, to say the least.

 

The cross and the stake dropped on the floor, Willow slowly knelt and took them in her hands and whispered, "I’ll put these away"

 

Spike looked at her. It was the first time, he was really seeing her undressed. She was in front of him, wearing only blue bra and panties.

 

Spike couldn’t explain the strange lump which was forming in his throat at the thought of his Willow trusting him enough to undress before him, when just a few minutes before he’d greeted her in his demon face.

 

<Face it,  you’ve got a thing for her…since when she’s * my* Willow?> He thought

 

"You have a great body Red, you should show it rather than covering it…" he said, happy about how casual his remark had sounded.

 

Willow smiled at him while putting the stake and the cross in the nightstand’s drawer.

 

~ Yeah, right…don’t you see how many people are ready to undress and take me? ~

 

~I am…and I don’t give a bloody damn about the others, do you? ~

 

Willow looked at him and shook her head smiling. She slowly climbed on the bed and hugged her knees with her arms then looked at him saying, "You know? It’s strange…I was more scared in my car, while fully dressed than now, in the same room with you, covered only in lace underwear… "

 

"I don’t know whether to consider myself offended or flattered by this statement" he replied sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

 He looked at her, he could sense she wasn’t scared anymore.

 

Willow smiled at his words and slowly crawled toward him.

 

 She stood on her knees behind him and began slowly massaging his shoulders whispering, "I thought that when I entered this room you’d have taken me, against a wall...without even saying a word…"

 

Spike turned and cocked an eyebrow at her dryly saying, "Thanks for the vote of confidence…"

 

She laughed and said gently scraping the nape of his neck with her nails, "Do I need to remind you what happened against the wall of Giles’ bedroom yesterday?"

 

Spike couldn’t help smiling when he remembered how he’d surprised her, just the night before while the others had been busy collecting the books downstairs, gently pushing her against a wall of Giles’ bedroom, and how he’d kissed her almost literally senseless.

 

He arched his head back when he felt Willow’s lips gently suckling on his earlobe, her hands went on his back to help him out of his shirt.

 

He could feel her hot skin through the fabric of his shirt and her hot breath against his ear when she purred, "Instead here I am, undressing you on the bed…."

 

She tilted  her head down and kissed him on the neck, tasting his cool skin with her tongue.

 

~ Uhm…Willow? What the hell are you doing? I’m a vampire…remember? Kissing me on the neck is not …~  He silently began not trusting his voice, he didn’t remember when had last been so turned on.

 

 His mind total shut down, though when she licked his Adam’s apple and gently sucked at it

 

~ You were saying? ~

 

Willow silently told him. he looked at her, she was grinning, he grinned back at her

 

~ Never mind…go on…don’t stop…~

 

He silently said closing his eyes.

 

~I wasn’t planning to…~

 

She silently replied He couldn’t help groaning when Willow’s small hands went under his shirt, touching his bare skin, grazing his nipples with her fingertips.

 

Spike turned toward the woman and met her mouth in a deep kiss, he slid an arm around her waist, and pulled her onto his lap.

 

 When they parted from each other, Willow was smiling, Spike grazed her lips with a finger and whispered, "Red, before we go on…there’s something I need to tell you…"

 

"What?" She asked, fearing he’d changed his mind. She could feel how aroused he was, yet she was afraid all the same….what if he’d realized he didn’t want to go on?

 

What if he’d changed his mind?

 

~ We…I can go if you want…~

 

Spike raised a brow and said, "Not bloody likely…I haven’t changed my mind, we’re going to make love…got it?"

 

"Make love?" she echoed blinking.

 

"Yes…how the hell do you call it?" he asked puzzled. He looked at her for a second, not understanding the surprise in the woman’s voice, until what Willow had thought about their meeting hit him.

 

~ Thanks * again* for the vote of confidence, Willow! ~

 

"Well, I told you what I thought was going to happen once I entered this room…" she mumbled shrugging.

 

Spike nodded and said, "Well…you were probably right…but I just want you to know that I’m not going to hurt you tonight…and not just because of the blasted chip. I’m not going to hurt you because I don’t *want* to… "

He stopped talking for a second, then looking at her added, "But I’m *still* a vampire, Willow. "

 

Willow raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to speak, but Spike covered it with a hand and said, "Before you go ‘duh’ on me, I want to make things clear between us.. I warned you before, and I’m doing it again, though I’d be damned if I know why. This is *not* a fairy tale…I’m not going to turn into a normal, nice guy…I’m not going to go into any Anne Rice routine…I. Don’t. Have. A. Soul. This is never going to change…when we’re finished I’ll still be Mr. I’m-evil-and-proud-of-it …got it?"

 

She nodded at him

 

~ Got it…~

 

She then took the hand which was still covering her mouth and placed it over her breast, saying, "That doesn’t mean, we can’t have fun, though."

 

Spike couldn’t help chuckling at her words, he gently squeezed her breast and said, "Right…and besides look at the bright side…"

 

"That would be?" she asked, gasping when Spike’s other hand gently made its way between her thighs, under her panties and began stroking her most sensitive spot.

 

"I’m not going to turn into the jerk who never phones the morning after"

 

She grinned while pushing against his hand and whispered, "You already are…"

 

He grinned back at her and silently told

 

~ That I am…so don’t worry we’re going to give each other a happy… and it looks like I just see one coming in the very near future…~