Music Box 

THIRD PART: things happen.

********Three Years Later***********

-1-

Blood.

He could smell it, on his shirt and his skin, its smell was so strong that he was sure he was about to throw up.

He could feel it drying on his skin, his own blood and hers.

The man who was sitting on that hospital chair was shattering. He felt his heart, his soul slowly dissolving while he waited for the inevitable.

He rested his head against a wall and gazed at the ceiling.

He wasn't hurt, except for a scar on his forehead, he had trouble breathing, though he couldn't tell whether it was for a physical cause.

"Don't let her die, please..." The man whispered, "please, don't let her die"

He closed his eyes and kept whispering, "Don't let her die...take me, but don't let her die..."

He opened his eyes when he heard someone enter the room, it was a doctor, who approached him saying, "Mr. Harris?"

Xander got up from his chair and asked in a low voice, "How is my wife?"

The doctor took a deep breath and said, "I'm afraid there is nothing we can do" he paused then added, "You'd better call her relatives"

Xander swallowed and closed his eyes, feeling like someone had squeezed the air out of his lungs. He had to lean against a wall.

 The doctor got close to him and said, "You lost a lot of blood...you'd better sit down"

Xander shook his head and said, "I've got to call our family..."

The doctor nodded and left the room. Xander felt the first tears trail down his cheeks while he repeated, "I've got to call our family"

-2-

The ring of the telephone awoke Giles from a troubled sleep, he sat on the bed and had to brush over his very pregnant wife to answer it.

Buffy awoke when Giles switched on the nightstand’s lamp moaning, "Why Willow hasn't learned yet the time difference  between here and New York?"

Giles smiled at her then answered, "Hello?"

Buffy opened her eyes. She could see from Giles' face it wasn't Willow on the other side of the telephone.

She touched his forearm, Giles squeezed her hand and closed his eyes before saying, "I'll be right there"

He hung up the telephone and turned toward her. His eyes were full of tears.

Buffy instinctively put a hand on her swollen belly murmuring, "Who?"

Giles swallowed and said, "Xander and Anya. They were both in a car accident"

"Are they..?" She asked gripping almost painfully his hand.

Giles shook his head no, "Xander is fine, it was him over the phone, Anya..." He paused, then added, "Anya couldn't make it through the night..."

Buffy got up from the bed saying, "Let's go. We'll call Willow and Spike on the way to the hospital"

"Buffy" he said getting up from the bed. Buffy was quickly dressing, she turned toward him and said, "Let's go, Giles! You'll play concerned hubby and daddy-to-be later, alright?"

"I..." he whispered.

"I said *let's go* !" she hissed.

Giles just nodded before putting on something to wear, Buffy grabbed the car's keys a stake and stormed out of their bedroom.

Giles quickly followed wondering when had been last time he had been that scared for one of his children.

-3-

The trip to the hospital was quick, Buffy called Willow, who was working in New York for the Watcher's Council, then she reached Spike who had been living on his own for two years in Sunnydale on his cell phone.

They both promised to arrive as soon as possible. When they arrived to the hospital, they found out Spike was already there.

Over the last three years he'd become an active member of the Scooby Gang, even when they had been able to disable the chip which prevented him from hurting humans. It was him who met them in the hallway

"Where is Xander?" Buffy asked.

"He's with Anya" he paused then said, "he's saying good-bye to her."

Buffy gripped Giles' hand and closed her eyes, while tears began rolling down her cheeks, she couldn't help sobbing against her husband's shoulder. Anya had become a very good friend to her over the years.

She felt Giles' hand stroking her hair and his quiet voice while he asked Spike, "How is Xander?"

Spike's silence was more eloquent than any words he could have said.

"Let's go waiting for him." Spike said.

They sat for long hours in the waiting room. None of them spoke, lost as they were in their thoughts, in their memories.

Xander and Anya had gotten married six months after

Buffy and Giles' wedding. They had lived with them for a while, since they couldn't afford nothing more.

Xander had surprised them all, he was about to major in Anthropology and he had been already offered a teaching job at the U.C. Sunnydale.

Their lives had been fairly quiet. There had been dangers and crisis over the years, but they'd been able to get past them with flying colors. They'd almost forgotten that sense of utter impotence they were all feeling now.

Buffy was sitting on a chair, caressing her swollen abdomen, trying her best not to sob. Giles was leaning against a wall staring at an indefinite point in the room, while Spike was slowly pacing the room.

He was silent, yet he looked like he was busy in a silent conversation with himself. None of them seemed to notice it, though.

They all turned toward the door when they heard it open. Xander entered the room, there was a huge scar on his forehead, and a bruise was beginning to form on his left jaw, his eyes were red and puffy with crying, his clothes were shredded and dirty with blood.

"She's gone" he slowly said, his voice broken. Buffy was the first to get close to him, she took him in her arms and hugged him tightly.

Xander brushed her hair with trembling fingers before he slowly pulled her away from him. Giles got close to him and shrugged before placing a hand on his shaking shoulder.

 Xander looked at the man who over the years had become his best friend and whispered, "She's gone..."

Giles nodded at the man in front of him, noticing new lines around his eyes.

 Xander took a deep breath before saying, "I love her...and she's gone" His voice broke when he asked, "Why didn't I die in her place, Giles?"

Giles' grip on Xander's shoulder strengthened. He didn't know what to say. Xander looked at him shaking his head and said, "I suppose it doesn't matter now."

Spike had gotten close to the three of them, barely containing his rage. Xander had told something about the accident.

Their car had been pushed toward a guardrail by another car which was exceeding the speed limit.

He swore to himself whoever had killed Anya Harris, was dearly going to pay. He'd grown fond of Xander and Anya. He'd gotten to love Anya, she'd helped him a lot during the first few months after Willow had left for England. She'd been a friend to him, a real friend, and he knew he was going to really miss her.

"Xander" he slowly said.

The man looked at the vampire with puzzled eyes.

"What?" He weakly asked. He was tired, so tired. All he wanted was to crawl somewhere and sleep until death took pity on him and took him away from that dulling pain which was slowly swallowing him.

"I'm sorry." Spike simply said.

"Yeah...well, so am I" Xander said shaking his head.  He knew that for Spike saying this out loud was hard so he looked at the vampire, who had been the first one to arrive at the hospital and added, "Thank you...Anya...well, she loves ..." he stopped and he shook his head again saying, "loved...I gotta remember that..." he closed his eyes, feeling breathless then he slowly added, "She loved you...she always said you were a good friend to her."

"Do you want me to take care of ... Giles started.

Xander shook his head and said, "No, thank you. I'll take care of that. Why...uhm..." he shook his head and took a deep breath, leaning on Giles for a second.

His head was spinning and he was hyperventilating. His throat itched for the urge to scream, but he ignored that urge.

He knew that if he began screaming and crying he wouldn't have ever been able to stop.

They all helped him to sit on a chair, Xander nodded at them and said, "I just need to sit down for a while...and I'll be fine..."

He put his hands on his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He stared at the wall which was in front of him for a while and slightly smiled while tears began rolling on his cheeks. He didn't seem aware of that, though.

Buffy looked at Giles, worried, then at Spike who shook his head and placed a hand on Giles' shoulder. Giles looked at the vampire and understood the look in his eyes he knelt in front of Xander and said, "Xander?"

Xander's smile widened, yet a throaty noise escaped from his smiling lips. Giles took him by the shoulders and shook him saying aloud, "Xander? Can you hear me?"

Xander didn't seem to hear him. He was sobbing, yet his lips were curved in a smile. Buffy got actually scared by that smile. Last time she'd seen it, Xander's body had been possessed by a hyena.

She couldn't kneel in front of him but she stroked his hair, whispering, "Xander, please can you hear us?"

Xander just kept smiling, while tears spilled on his cheeks. He didn't seem aware of their presence anymore. He kept gazing at a point in the room.

"Spike?" Giles slowly said, without breaking eye contact with Xander, "Go and call a doctor, Xander is in shock." He paused then added, "You should leave, the sun is about to rise."

Spike nodded and left the waiting room, leaving Buffy and Giles alone with Xander. Giles began talking to Xander in a calm, soothing voice.

He told him everything was going to be fine, he told him the pain was eventually going to fade, he told him they were going to be by his side, helping him through what was happening to him.

When the doctor arrived, Xander had stopped crying, he was just staring at a wall.

The doctor knelt in front of him and checked on his pulse, he then flashed a light in his eyes. He got up and said, "He's in shock. We'll give him a mild sedative and keep him under observation....are you family?" he asked Buffy and Giles.

"Yes, we are." Giles said. Buffy and him had become Xander and Anya's next of kin two years before, after the death of Xander's mother.

"I don't want to stay here" Xander suddenly said in a cracked voice.

"Mr. Harris, you're ..." the doctor began.

Xander slowly got up and then looking at the doctor said in a colorless voice, "My wife is just dead, I want to stay with my family...not in a hospital room, thank you. "

"Mr. Harris..." the doctor began.

Giles, though, placed a hand on the doctor's shoulder and looked at him saying,  "We'll take care of him."

The look in Giles' eyes, told the doctor he wouldn't have heard another word from him except for a yes, so he lightly shrugged and said turning toward Xander, "Mr. Harris are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. " he paused then added, "Thank you. I know you did all you could, to save her."

The doctor nodded. Xander let out a sigh and shook his head then said, "Let's get out of here, please"

Giles and Buffy stood by his side, and they slowly walked out from the hospital.

-4-

The funeral was held the evening after. There were few people at it.

 The Scooby Gang was all gathered around Xander, who stood still the whole time, not shedding a tear, not saying a word to anyone, just holding a white rose so tight that the thorns in it lacerated his flesh making him bled, though he didn't seem to notice until Spike told him to wash the blood away from his hand.

His friends looked at him without knowing what to do. Xander hadn't talked to any of them about what he was feeling, not even to Willow.

He was staying with Buffy and Giles, though none of them never saw him.

It was two evenings later when Giles called Willow, telling her they needed her. Willow arrived at Buffy and Giles' house. It was Giles who opened the door. Willow let herself in and pulled Giles in a quick hug before asking, "Is he upstairs?"

Giles just nodded while he was closing the door and said, "He is in the bedroom."

Willow shook her head and whispered, "It's so unfair...they visited me last month and they were both so happy..."

Giles didn't know what to say, so he just shrugged noticing how her eyes as those of all of us, except Spike's were still red and puffy, they had all cried a lot over the last two days.

He noticed the bag she was carrying as well, she just shrugged and placing it on the floor said before going upstairs, "Watcher's duty...ya know. " she paused then added, "It's been good to see you again...even if I'd liked not to come back for this reason "

Giles just nodded at the woman's words and watched her while she went upstairs. He closed his eyes and sighed then threw the mug he was holding in his hands against a wall, wincing when he heard it shattering. Tears rolled on his cheeks, while he mourned for his lost friend.

-5-

"May I come in?" Willow said after knocking at the bedroom's door.

She waited for Xander's answer for a second then she knocked again, when she didn't hear him answer she opened the door.

 Xander was nowhere to be seen.

"Xander?" she called.

She entered the room, it was dark except for a lamp on the night stand which was on, the sheets were disheveled.

There was a torn jacket on the bed. Willow's eyes filled with tears when she saw the blood on it, only then she heard the noise of water running from the bathroom.

She took some steps forward then knocked at the bathroom's door, when no one answered she got scared.

~ Why did you leave him alone? ~ she silently asked Spike.

 She knew he was in the house, though she hadn't seen him, yet. They hadn't had time to be alone and talk since she'd arrived.

~ He sent us away, Willow...~ Spike answered.

Willow shook her head and opened the door, surprised when she didn't find it locked. She was prepared to the worst, seeing Xander dead on the floor, or something like that, she actually expected the worst.

 She didn't imagine the worst could be seeing Xander sitting in the bathtub, still dressed like the day before, while the shower's cold water was pouring over him.

"Xander?" she tentatively asked.

Xander closed his eyes, hugging his knees more tightly, he buried his face on his knees.

 Willow got close to him repeating, "Xander? It's me, Willow."

Xander didn't raise his head but said, "She's gone, Will...I tried to help her...but she's gone...I just held when she died...I saw her life leaving her...and couldn't stop it..."

"I'm sorry" she whispered kneeling in front of him, "I'm so sorry..."

Xander raised his head, Willow noticed his lips were purple and he was deathly pale. She got on her knees and leaned toward Xander turning off the water, then said,

"Let's get out of here...you must be freezing"

"I like it" He simply said.

"Yeah, really? Remind me of it when you catch pneumonia" she said grabbing a towel from a shelf behind her.  She wrapped it around Xander's shoulders and began stroking his back but she stopped, letting slip the towel on the floor when he said, "As if I fucking care!"

Willow shook her head and said, "Yeah, whatever you say, Xand...now just get the hell out of this bathtub, will you?"

She helped him stand up, he was soaking wet, he leaned on her while she helped him to get out from the bathtub.

"Stay put" She said while she began unbuttoning his wet shirt, she let it fall on the floor, when she reached his trousers' belt she raised her head and said, "You've got to help me on this one, ok Xander?"

The man was trembling now but he nodded and helped her undressing him. She took a deep breath and said, "Now don't move. I'll get you a robe, ok? Don't go suicidal on me, please..."

Xander couldn't help smiling a little at her words. Willow got out from the bathroom and returned some seconds later holding a robe in her hands, she handed it to him and said, "Here, put it on..."

He slowly obeyed her, while new tears began swelling in his eyes, he shrugged and said wrapping himself tightly in it, "We bought this for Giles, last Christmas. Anya chose it."

"Yeah? I sent him a tie...Buffy told me he still hates me for it and still hates the tie with a passion..." she replied.

She wasn't going to let him drown in his sorrow. As much as the others loved him they didn't know him as she did. They didn't know how to deal with him.

She wrapped an arm around his waist and led him to the bedroom. She made him lie on the bed and covered him with the blankets, she took her coat off and added it to the blankets, noticing that Xander was still shivering.

"You'll soon feel better..." she whispered sitting next to him.

"Will I?" he asked looking at her for the first time. He shrugged then said, "Well yeah, I've just buried my wife, made sure she hasn't returned as a vampire, so perhaps you are right Willow, I can happily go on with my life!"

Willow shook her head and said, "No, Xander. You'll still mourn, you'll still feel like shit, but eventually you'll start feeling better, and you'll live, because Anya would have wanted you to keep living..."

"Yeah, I guess so...but problem is I don't want to...I just want to be with her again."

"And drowning yourself in Buffy and Giles' bathtub was going to help you to?" she asked raising her eyebrows.

"Christ, Willow, why don't you just get the hell out of here?" he snapped, sitting on the bed.

"Not on your life, Xand." She whispered.

"You're not needed here, you're not wanted here...just get the fuck out of here!" he shouted.

"You already told me this, though in less colored words, I'd say and I'd already answered you. " she calmly replied.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he asked. He couldn't help the tears which were clouding his sight.

Willow shrugged and said, "I guess old habits are really hard to die"

Xander shook his head and smiled through the tears, his smile quickly faded in a grimace and soon he found himself pulled against his friend, crying, "I...I don't know how to go on...I don't know what I'll do without her..."

"You'll live, Xander" Willow whispered against his damp hair, she took a deep breath and added, "You'll always miss her, but one day you'll love again...and you'll be happy again."

Xander shook his head and pulled away saying, "Look at me Willow! I'm not even thirty...and I feel like I've lived too many lives. I've lost so many people...I...I know I won't love again...I won't let myself to...no more pain, please...no more pain..."

He sobbed against her chest, repeating those last words over and over.

"It will get better, Xander...I promise" she whispered when he finally drifted to sleep. "I promise you..."

-6-

"Don't ever dare touching me again, you bastard!" Buffy said Giles through clenched teeth while a contraction hit her.

 She gripped her husband's hand trying not to scream.

"I know it hurts, love..." Giles whispered brushing away some damp locks from her forehead.

"You have no idea...oh, God!" she shouted arching her head

"Breathe, love...breath" Giles said caressing her hair.

Buffy looked at him and hissed, "I know!"

Buffy nodded trying to breathe as she'd been taught. She felt Giles' hand on her neck, she raised her head and looking at his husband said, "I wasn't serious before...it was the pain talking"

Giles smiled, "I know, love..."

"Quite sure of yourself, uh?" Buffy said smiling, her smile faded when another contraction hit her, she bit her bottom lip not to scream, but she didn't succeed, she let out a muffled scream, she felt Giles brushing hair away from her face and murmuring, "You are fantastic, love..."

"Yeah? Just wait until I knock you out for putting me in this mess!" she said.

Giles smiled at his wife, ignoring the nurses' giggles, she turned toward Buffy's doctor asking in his best Ripper voice, "Can't you give her something to ease the pain?"

Buffy almost laughed at his husband's voice between breaths, she raised her head and said, "Now, Giles don't go Ripper on us, will ya?"

The doctor, swallowed but shook his head saying, "I'm afraid it's too late, I can see the baby's head, now Buffy, at the next contraction I want you to push, alright?"

Buffy just nodded, while she felt another contraction coming, she pushed, gripping Giles' hand hoping she wasn't breaking it.

"Push, love..." Giles instructed her. Buffy tightened her grip on Giles' hand and said through gritted teeth, "Shut the hell up...I know I've to push!"

Another contraction hit her, Buffy pushed with all her might letting out a primal groan while doing it.

She then dropped into his husband's arms, and couldn't help crying when she heard her baby's first cry.

"It's a girl!" the doctor happily said.

Buffy weakly raised her head and looked at his husband, seeing mirrored in his eyes her same concern. She swallowed and asked, "How is she?"

"She's fine, Mrs. Giles...see for yourself" the doctor said placing the baby on Buffy's stomach.

Buffy's smile lit the room, she grazed her baby's cheeks and said in a cracked voice, "Hey, little one...welcome..." She chuckled when she heard Giles clearing his throat and said, "The big man who's trying his best not to cry is your daddy..." She took the baby in her arms and raised her head to look at his husband saying, "So G-Daddy, say hi to your daughter"

-7-

The two months following Anya's death, had flown by in a haze to all of them.

Willow had returned to New York, calling them everyday to know how Xander was coping, she hadn't had time to be with Spike when she'd returned home for Anya's funeral.

They'd only had a moment when she'd left Xander. She'd gotten out from the house and had sit on a bench in the garden, letting go of the sorrow she'd felt when she'd seen Xander.

She had still been crying when had heard Spike's voice.

"Long time no see, Red" He had said aloud.

~I missed you ~ He'd silently told her.

"Well, yeah...it's been a long time" She had said wiping away tears from her face with the back of her hand.

~I missed you too ~ She had silently added.

Spike had sat next to her on the bench saying, "Life sucks, Red..."

"That's an understatement if I ever heard one" She had whispered, longing for him to hold her, but knowing he wasn't going to do it, with Buffy and Giles still up in the house.

Spike had lit a cigarette and Willow had noticed he still had the ring on.

She had smiled and clutched the necklace she had been wearing, she'd put the ring there before arriving to Sunnydale, realizing she almost felt naked without it on her finger. She'd never took it off since he'd given it to her.

"How are things going in...Chicago? It's where you live, right?" He had asked aloud

~ Do you still jog in Central Park? ~ he had silently asked.

"I'm in New York" she had said, smiling through the tears at the double conversation they had been having.

~ Yes...and thanks for the sweater ~

"Whatever" he had said aloud.

~ You're most welcome, luv. ~

"So how are things going in New York?" he had asked again.

~ Does your right shoulder still hurt? ~ he had silently asked, referring to an accident she'd had six months before while fencing, still remembering how he'd felt her pain as if it had been his own.

"Fine...is everything fine" she had whispered.

~ Not much, it's just a little sore when it rains ~

They'd kept in touch over the years, both through their link and more common means, yet the funeral had been the first time they'd seen each other for three years, since Willow hadn't been able to attend Xander and Anya's wedding.

They both were alone, none of the relationships they'd tried to start with other people had lasted. Though they hadn't talked about it, they both knew no one could ever replace the other's place in their hearts.

They both knew that what they shared was unique, but they knew as well, that they couldn't be together.

"How is Xander?" he had asked.

~ How are you? ~

"Not good."

~I feel like death warmed over, no offence...~

Spike had shaken his head and had whispered, "None taken..."

~ Hold me, please...~ she had silently begged.

~ The Watcher is looking at us through the blinds...he's probably afraid I'll hurt you...~

~ Yeah...I wasn't here when they disabled the chip...oh, scary, ugly vampire o' mine ~ she had said, teasing him. She hadn't been afraid of him, though.

~ Ah, ah...Watcher's humor? ~ he had silently asked, amused.

~ Nature's gift ~ she had dryly replied.

Spike had looked around, then had taken her left hand in his and had lightly squeezed it. Willow had closed her eyes taking a deep breath before intertwining her fingers with his.

~ You're not wearing the ring ~ he had silently said, trying to hide his disappointment.

Willow had opened her eyes and had looked at him, shrugging

~I took it off on the plane, I've it on my necklace...the one you sent me for Christmas last year. It was weird I'd never took it off before. ~

Willow had noticed Spike had grinned at her words.

~ I'm glad you're still wearing it ~ he had told her.

~ and I'm glad you still wear yours. ~ she had replied a grin matching Spike's

~ Always, Willow...always. ~ He had said, Willow had found herself in tears for the double meaning in his words.

~ Always, Spike...always ~ She had silently echoed his words, before letting go of his hand.

She had stood up and had returned the house, leaving him alone in the garden. When Spike had entered the house, Willow had already left.

Now they were all together again, in a hospital's waiting room, waiting for Buffy and Giles' baby to be born.

Willow was sitting next Joyce who was nervously biting her nails, Spike was pacing the room shaking his head and wondering aloud, why the hell did he care about all that.

 Xander was sitting on a chair near the window, apparently lost in thought. He'd grown thin in those months, a black beard covered his face. He was dressed in black from head to toe.

"Spike will you quit pacing? You're driving us crazy" Xander quietly said.

Spike stopped in his tracks, surprised to hear him, he hadn't said a single word since they'd gotten to the hospital.

"Sure, mate..." Spike told sitting next to him. He looked at him, there were deep circles under his eyes and he was too pale.

"Do you want something to eat?" Spike asked him. Xander looked at him surprised but shook his head and said, "I'm not hungry"

"Look mate, you really look like shit...you've gotta eat something..." Spike said.

Xander raised an eyebrow at him and hissed, "I. Am. Not. Hungry."

~ Twinkies...ask him if he wants some Twinkies...~

Willow silently suggested. Spike frowned and asked, "What about some Twinkies?"

A shade of a smile crossed Xander's lips but it soon faded yet he said, "Alright..."

"Good..." Spike said. He turned toward Willow and Joyce and asked, "You want something?"

Both women shook their heads. Spike got up and left the waiting room. Xander shrugged and said, "It's almost scary...Spike is actually concerned for me..."

"Well, he's not that bad" Joyce absently commented smiling.

"Yeah...he even saved Buffy's life once or twice over the years" Xander said, he shook his head then added, "It must be love"

"It must be w...what?" Willow asked blinking.

"Don't tell me you don't know about it, Will. We all know he's in love with someone, though none of us know who she is " he closed his eyes, when he reopened them he said in a low voice, "Anya knew, though she never told me..."

Willow shrugged, and looked at the door, waiting for news about the baby...and of course for Spike.

She hid a smile when Spike returned in the waiting room handing Xander a pack of twinkies, noticing the weird look in the man's face.

"What?" Spike asked looking at Xander.

Xander almost smiled when he said, "We were talking about your secret affair"

"My secret... what?" Spike asked trying his best not to turn and look at Willow

"Spike, you've got to admit you've really changed. You willingly help the children" Joyce added smiling

"Uhm...well...I made a kind of a promise to someone" he said without looking at them. He had promised Willow during their last week end together he would have helped the others.

 He had kept his promise, in the beginning just for Willow, then when the kids had saved his unlife from a powerful demon, risking their lives in order to do it, he'd begun being a real member of the Scooby Gang, even when the chip had been disabled he'd kept helping them.

"Who made you promise to help us?" Xander asked surprised. He'd always wondered why Spike had helped them over the years.

Spike sat on a chair, he didn't answer them, but he grazed his ring with his right hand's fingers, that didn't go unnoticed to Xander, who said, "I've always wondered where this ring came from"

Spike looked at Willow, she smiled at him, he felt she was finally ready to talk. He opened his mouth and was about to talk when a tired, sweating, but grinning Giles entered the waiting room.

They all stood up, forgetting what they were talking about and looked at the man, then Spike said, "So...are you gonna grin forever, mate?"

"Roxanne Alexandra Will Giles, made her appearance twenty five minutes ago" Giles proudly said.

"How is Buffy?" Joyce asked, wiping away tears from her eyes.

"She is fine, though very tired. You'll be able to see her in a few minutes. They're taking our little girl to the nursery" he said smiling.

"Little Alexandra..." Xander said, a light smile crept on his lips.

"Little Will?" Spike and Willow said in unison looking at each other.

Giles smiled at his friends and said, "Come with me I'll take you to the nursery."

"Little Will" Spike repeated smiling

~ You're a uncle, Spike...~

Willow silently told him. She had been smiling, her tone had been a teasing one, yet Spike had sensed the sadness behind it.

He knew how Willow loved children and how she'd given up on having them, though being still young.

~I wish you...~

He began while they were watching Buffy and Giles' beautiful baby. He felt Willow's hand on his waist, she was next to him.

He turned and looked at her, she was smiling a sad smile, not caring about the others he put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him.

~I wish we ...~ he silently repeated.

~ Me too...~ she silently said leaning against him.

"Me too" she finally whispered only for him to hear.

-8-

"May we come in?" Willow said entering Buffy's room with the others.

"As if you need permission" Buffy replied.

The Scooby Gang and Joyce gathered around Buffy's bed. Joyce looked at her daughter, who thanks to her slayer's fast healing didn't look at all like a woman who had had twelve hours of labor.

 She sat next to her and commented, "You're beautiful, honey "

"I'm tired..." she said suppressing a yawn.

"Duh, Buffy!" Willow said smiling, her previous sadness gone.

"You know? I really missed ya, Will" Buffy wryly said. She looked at her friends and asked, "Did you see her?"

"She is beautiful" they all said.

Buffy couldn't help giggling, "Yeah...she's really beautiful..."

They chatted for a while, even Xander seemed more happy they'd seen him in the last months.

 They stopped talking when Giles' entered the room, holding the baby. Buffy couldn't help the tears which welled in her eyes at the sight of her husband carrying their child.

They'd purposely waited before conceiving a child. Now she wondered why they'd waited that long. Seeing her husband holding their child took her breath away.

Giles sat next to her and carefully placed the baby in Buffy's arms. she looked up at her friends and happily said, "I'm a mom...can you believe it?"

They all laughed, then almost in unison asked whether they could hold the baby.

 Joyce was the first, she looked at the baby and said, "She has your eyes, Rupert...but the gleaming in them, it's all Buffy's"

They all chuckled at Joyce's words. The woman turned and expertly placed the baby in Willow's arms.

The red-head beamed at the baby and whispered, "Hey, it's auntie Willow here...you're a very lucky baby girl, ya know?" She then whispered a prayer to her goddess, to protect the baby from any harm.

 She turned toward Spike and smiled at him. The vampire fought the lump in his throat at the sight of the woman he loved with a baby in her arms, he then turned toward Buffy and shyly asked, "May I?"

Buffy and Giles exchanged a look then Buffy shrugged and said, "Of course...but remember Spike..."

" I know...stake, big pile of dust yadda, yadda, yadda..." he said.

They all chuckled at Spike's words. Willow placed the baby in Spike's arms, ignoring the sudden urge to cry.

Their hands touched for a second.

~I love ya...~ She silently said.

~ Not as much as *I* love you ~ he silently replied.

~ Wanna bet? ~ she silently replied.

"Little Roxie, that's your uncle Spike" Willow softly whispered, kissing the baby's forehead.

She stepped back and took a look at Spike holding the baby. She grazed the ring through the shirt .

~ Life sucks...~ she silently told him.

"Tell me about it..." Spike said without looking at her, he was smiling at the baby who was smiling back at him.

"Tell you about what, Spike?" Xander who was beside him, asked.

Spike raised his head surprised and blinked asking, "Did I say that out loud?"

They all nodded at him, Spike just shrugged and said, "I was thinking out loud."

He then turned toward Xander and placing the baby in his arms said, "Be careful mate..."

Xander just nodded, holding the baby in his arms. He looked down at her.

The baby looked back at him and lengthened a hand grabbing his beard.

Something in Xander's heart melted then, he smiled at the baby and said in a cracked voice, "Welcome Roxie. This world is a mess, but never fear we'll protect you... "

THE END.